Ted had a very busy day today lot's to do and little time to do it in. I had my little guy's B-Day party so there were things to get done. First, I had to clean my garage. The thing was a complete catastrophe. I hadn't cleaned it since May before Porkfest 07' (tm) and there was shit everywhere. What does cleaning my garage have to do with a kid's birthday party and big, fat lesbians?I'm gettin' to it.
My wife's brother has muscular dystrophy so he's in a wheel chair. The only way to get him into my house is through my garage where I have a ramp for him. If I don't clean the garage, my poor brother in law would be forced to sit outside, hearing the laughter, smelling the food freezing his immobile ass off just like R2D2 trying to look into Yoda's house in the Empire strikes back.
Anyway, I cleaned the garage, very cold outside, wind whipping, not fun. Then I have to get rid of all the leaves trapped around my entry way so I don't look like a non-raking deadbeat to my guests. Very cold, wind whipping, not fun again. Then it was time to bathe where I thought of lesbians, but they looked like this,
not this
not this
So, I wash my nuts n' stuff, shave, look at my beautiful new haircut and kiss my mirror. I brush my teeth, put on deodorant cover my junk, got dressed, grabbed the shopping list of shit for the party and I was off to dyketown.
The store was blooming with short haired, pear shaped ladies today. They were rocking the triple threat of Dyke couture- workboots with flannel shirts and sweatpants. There was some deviation and accessorizing of course. There were converse all star sneakers with sweatpants, and the old standby, biker boots with sweatpants. Those with a bold sense of color spoke volumes with oversized Green bay packers jackets with lot's of ear piercings topped off with woolen caps perched on their fuzzy, cropped heads. Poking out from beneath their cap, rat tails in braids cascaded playfully down their thick necks and bear-like shoulders. Some found their fall fashion statement in enormous jeans that clung provocatively to their thick, womanly thighs, non existent waists and abnormally wide hips. A wallet attached to a chain finished off many an ensemble giving the ladies a, "my money ain't goin' nowhere" effect. Many of the couples were filling two separate shopping carts, which I took for a kind of, this one is mine, that one is yours let's see who can eat all of our shit first, competition. The ladies were preparing to get down to some serious nesting activity. It was cold outside and I bet they just couldn't wait to get home, throw on their comfortable sweatpants, get under the covers, turn the Ellen show on and eat and eat and eat and eat all their food. And then in the afterglow of a successful eating campaign when their guts are heaving with two cartfulls of junk in their bloated bellies, they would get under the covers, interlock their stubby, dry, fingers, rub their tree trunk-like hairy legs together and prepare to chow down on the real meal de jour. Lesbian lady lunch. Bon appetite ladies.
Just having fun, large, mannish, dyke women, You know I love ya.
The store was blooming with short haired, pear shaped ladies today. They were rocking the triple threat of Dyke couture- workboots with flannel shirts and sweatpants. There was some deviation and accessorizing of course. There were converse all star sneakers with sweatpants, and the old standby, biker boots with sweatpants. Those with a bold sense of color spoke volumes with oversized Green bay packers jackets with lot's of ear piercings topped off with woolen caps perched on their fuzzy, cropped heads. Poking out from beneath their cap, rat tails in braids cascaded playfully down their thick necks and bear-like shoulders. Some found their fall fashion statement in enormous jeans that clung provocatively to their thick, womanly thighs, non existent waists and abnormally wide hips. A wallet attached to a chain finished off many an ensemble giving the ladies a, "my money ain't goin' nowhere" effect. Many of the couples were filling two separate shopping carts, which I took for a kind of, this one is mine, that one is yours let's see who can eat all of our shit first, competition. The ladies were preparing to get down to some serious nesting activity. It was cold outside and I bet they just couldn't wait to get home, throw on their comfortable sweatpants, get under the covers, turn the Ellen show on and eat and eat and eat and eat all their food. And then in the afterglow of a successful eating campaign when their guts are heaving with two cartfulls of junk in their bloated bellies, they would get under the covers, interlock their stubby, dry, fingers, rub their tree trunk-like hairy legs together and prepare to chow down on the real meal de jour. Lesbian lady lunch. Bon appetite ladies.
Just having fun, large, mannish, dyke women, You know I love ya.
33 comments:
I think I just vomited a little bit in my mouth.
I should've stopped with R2D2. That shit was fucking funny.
I like dykes on bikes. Yikes!
Yeah, porn has giving most people a false inpression of Lesbians
curious: the vomit in mouth thing=sexy
mother: the dykes on bikes thing=not so sexy
Malach: you are correct sir. I don't know about your neck of the woods but I'm up to my armpits in the sapphic bulldogs
Damn, I thought they were all hot, like Portia di Rossi.
portia's hot. there's plenty of sexy lesbo's, but most look like JRR Tolkien characters ;)
I've had my fair share of female encounters, and I'm telling you, the women I've been with wore lipstick and cute little skirts with heels just like me. I don't understand going for a woman that looks like a man. Why not just fuck a man?
curious: ahh,girls at play.
As for the why they like ugly trolls? There lies the cunundrum. I didn't even get into the real butch one's that dress like men and wear flaccid strap ons 24/7. It's very interesting psychologically. I think most gay people are born that way but with some of these gals I think there's more nuture than nature going on.
I've noticed that bi-chicks tend to be prettier than full on hard core lesbian chicks. Hell, I know chicks who are not bi or gay who like to do chicks. Wassup with that? If a guy wants to do another guy he's gay. . . end of discussion.
I'm going to have to watch a couple episodes of The L Word to get over the pictures you posted Ted.
hillbilly: yeah, as a guy, you either suck dick, or you do not sucj dick. there is no middle ground. Now you have all the phony closet cases like Senator craig that get married and have kids but they're just living a lie. That can't be easy, imagine everything was reversed and being gay was the norm and having to pretend to like fucking dudes just to make people think you're normal. that's no way to live. I might make fun of the bull dog lesbians for their looks and style but at least they're living honestly and the way they want to. live free or die man.
Lesbo mullets are so hot!
That's why I'm Hot4Hill.
hillary is a supermodel compared to these gals. They'd eat you for a snack. I always thought Hillary wasn't too bad looking. I like bitchy, smart chicks.
By the way, I saw a quote today and I thought of you. It's from a 13th century french troubadour poem, the geste des narbonnnais,
"Tis true, I have heard it said,
that one cannot find a quiet readhead. That all are violent, cannot be gainsaid..."
you chicks were trouble all the way back when.
Red heads are the shit.
the one making out with her girlfriend in my post is pretty smokin'
Trouble is hot in bed.
c.rag: so you say. crazy, red head accountant sex. harder, harder, target margin! gearing ratio! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Those were some ball busting butches! Damn!
they might be very nice so i'd say ball avoiding butches.
At this point even the bulls are looking good to me ... ehh ... I just want to be someone's midnight snack.
Sue:yikes! desperate times call for desperate measures. How about some well placed peanut butter and then whistling for cash.(the dog)
Been there ... done that.
i've never understood why women who fuck other women are with women that look like men. it defeats the whole purpose. womanzing is a bit of a hobby for me (some people collect stamps... there is licking involved in both), and all of the women i have ever been with look like chicks, act like chicks and dress like chicks. i would not have it any other way.
i'm actually my own type, with the big tits, fem looking, not fat etc..
Teq: Yeah, it's a bit weird. I can't tell if they're really lesbians or just fat chicks who couldn't get laid and got bitter about it and then convinced themselves that they're gay. That's probably a stretch but who knows? I don't think it's about the sex wih the large ladies as much as it is about companionship and chowing at all you can buffets. Ever get a gal stalker after a fling?
actually yes. a couple times. the first time was in highschool when i was 15; my dad ran her off (too bad she was unstable, she had great cans).
then the second one was when i was working at hooters, it was a customer. she did tip well though.
the last one was when i was living with lawyerman. she thought she would tap tap tap at my bedroom window, but then he came out entirely nude (oh, wait i think he had socks on) with a nine iron. hasnt been any problems with her since.
why are the ueber hot chicks all emotionally fuckered up?
teq: ya see what you crazy bitches are like? That's why I never cheat on my wife. I don't need lunatic drive by's, phone calls, stalker shit. I had a girl in high school that used to sit on the curb across the street from my house and just sit and watch me mow the lawn for 2 hours. fucking scary.
what i dont get is, how they misunderstand that all i want to do is defile them. they think i want to BE with them, and i tell them all up front, i dont want to be their life partner and have cats together. i just want to have a purely sexual relationship. they all SAAAAAAAY that they are ok with it, but when it comes down to it, the mutual getting off after making me dinner isnt enough and they want to cuddle. eh. i wish they could get it through their heads i date guys and use women. it's not a difficult concept.
did you mow the lawn with your shirt off? was she at least a hot stalker?
I hear ya with these wacky clingy chicks. That's what most guys want. Hit and runs. I mean that's what i've heard most guys want, I don't. I just want the intimacy that comes from a stable loving environment and a serious monogamous relationship. But I've heard that guys want women to just enjoy some casual sex and then go away.
and No I didn't mow with no shirt on, I'm irish, gotta look out for skin cancer and no she wasn't hot. She was a butterface. She was a cheerleader with a nice body but her face was not good. and I'm not usually harsh or too choosey about girls faces, I'm no Brad Pitt so who the hell am I to be choosey but she was pretty banged up. I never even talked to her and she stalked me. Good thing I didn't throw her a velvet deluxe special fuck. she'd still be sitting on my curb.
2:37 PM
it's pretty bad if youre banged up in highschool; it's only gonna go downhill from there. what did your wife do about your stalker? cause i know if someone was stalking my significant other, id probably punch her in the ovaries. hard.
anyway, i don't do the casual sex thing with dudes, but chicks for some reason i can whore around with. i don't claim to understand it, i just roll with it. what is kind of awful is i would never let a guy treat me like i treat women. hypocritical, i know, but i guess it could be worse.
my wife? this was way back in high school. we didn't meet till iwas older. she was up in massachusettes probably stalking guys of her won.
fun.
omfg. this day is taking forever. i just got the greatest secret santa gift and i REALLY want to start using it.
have one for me.
ohhhhhhh i will (t minus two hours). i'm baking cookies tonight (pumpkin with cream cheese on them), and i do some of my best baking while drinking.
i wish she would have sex with me
Post a Comment