I HAVE A WAY WITH WOMEN

Yesterday I was at Macdonald's with my son. He was playing in the kiddie area when some 5 or 6 year old girls started being mean to him and taunting him, na na na na, that kind of crap. He started getting upset so I pulled him aside and said, "Listen buddy, don't get upset, girls will try to torment you your entire life. We better nip this vagina torture in the fucking bud. Now listen carefully,This is the greatest lesson I will ever teach you. If you want to totally crush a woman and destroy her psyche and make her love you at the same time; pretend she is invisible. Pay her no attention whatsoever, don't acknowledge her existence. they're less than nothing, they're not even shit on your shoe. Nothing drives women more insane than being completely inconsequential to you. But If you do feel it's necessary to engage and speak to them, whatever you say has to belittle either their hair, wardrobe or face. Their egos are fragile, their minds are busy, cluttered and weak. They lack focus, they are obsessive. Use this against them. Say something like, 'what happened to your hair?' She will lose her mind obsessing about her hair and never recover, she'll take that shit to her grave. Now go and ruin their days." Like a good soldier, he than stared at the ceiling and every time one of the girls said something to him, he said, "Is that someone speaking or is that a bug?" Within two minutes the girls were crying to their whore mothers about the mean boy who won't talk to or look at them. Score one in the war between the righteous man and the evil harpy females for the spawn of Ted.

Later that night I went out for a few beers with one of my stable of MILF's husbands. I was having a good time and had one too many and decided not to drive home. I was going to call a cab but I saw a women instead. "So your driving me home right?' I said. After a few minutes of small talk she agreed. Then she said, "Can I sleep over." I said, "Why? Do you want to have a baby? Because if you come in my house, your leaving with a baby in your belly. And I don't think my wife would like that."

"You're married?" she said
"yeah, but don't let that get in the way of you driving me home."

She didn't, I got home without walking or paying.
I rule.