LAUGHING MORONS AND OTHER ANNOYANCES

1) I took my kids to see night at the Museum last week and while the trailers were playing, there was a woman sitting next to who kept laughing at all the all the coming attractions. Now this woman was around 50 years old and all the coming attractions were for movies geared toward 5 year olds. Is there really an adult out there that thinks the fucking chipmunks are funny? I slept through their last goddamn piece of crap flick while my 7 year old laughed his stupid ass off. But he's 7, he's supposed to laugh at singing chipmunks, adults aren't, unless of course that adult was hit in the head with a steel girder and has the intelligence of a chipmunk. I think that was the case with the laughing asshole next to me.

2) LOL-ers: This is a theme I keep returning to but I really can't stand all the people on facebook on blogs, twitter... wherever, who feel a need to annotate their so-called jokes by announcing to everyone that it's supposed to be funny. "I just took a shit! lol!" I will now show you three actual examples from facebook responses from people attached to other people who are barely my acquaintances let alone actual friends, but hey, it's a modern world, they asked for my friendship, I accepted, now I sit there like a moron reading their lame ass responses just to anger myself up.

Post : "I'm listening to Pink Floyd"
Response: GOOD MUSIC TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU'RE HIGH......................ON LIFE....LOL

Post: "I'm drinking a blue moon"
response: I turned to Shiraz or better known as CHIraz.... lol

Post: "I'm back on the ground in ny"
response: we miss you already
response: oooohhh NOOOO !!! I BEAT U !!! I BET I MISS U MORE !!! Have fun at the beach tomarrow ! lol Ill call u from work ! lol Kiss da kids 4 me !

What the fuck? Is any of that shit remotely worth smiling over let alone laughing out loud at? The last one is just baffling, but whatever, the dude loves his wife and laughs out loud for no fucking reason.
Almost nothing makes me laugh out loud. And you can bet your ass if I write something that I think is funny I don't have to telegraph the fucking thing with a little announcement. It's either funny or it isn't. You telling me that you're laughing over you're own joke just makes you an unfunny dick. There is only one acceptable way to announce what you're writing is a joke. If you write something as a joke but you're afraid of how it appears in writing and that someone might take it the wrong way, everyone knows you do the winking semi-colon right parenthesis ;) There, now you have let the person know it's a joke without going over the top with an LOL, LMAO, the dirtier version, LMMFAO or god fucking fordbid, the dreaded, ROTFL. As Walter would say, Fucking amateurs.

3) as always fat people in go carts at the store. The other day, fridy before the 4th of July, there were like five people in fatso go karts at the supermarket all in produce at the same time, beeping, crashing into everyone and everything making a god damn racket, blocking every fucking aisle, so as I stood there in horror just beyond the doors looking in. I asked the kid gathering the shopping carts this question:
"How do the fat people get from their cars to the obese, golf cart, shopping cycle things in the first place?"

"They walk" said the smirking kid.

"How novel." I said.

"let me ask you for a favor." I then said.

"OK" said the kid a little apprehensively


"If you ever see me riding in one of those beeping, fat people carts... pump a fucking bullet right into my head.

Will you do that for me?"


"Sure." said the laughing kid.

I took a deep breath, walked through the sliding doors and entered the store with a chip on my shoulder the size of a fat person on a chub skooter.

Get outta my way you slovenly motherfuckers!!!!!