ESPN'S STEVE PHILLIPS ALSO BROKE RULE #2 FOR CHEATING PUSSYHOUNDS: NEVER BOTTOM FEED

Yikes. I had been told by none other than the Diabolical Liz Markie and Mallach that the chick ex-Mets GM Steve Phillips was banging was fug but I didn't quite know how correct they were until last night. I had only seen a few shots of her on my blackberry and couldn't get a real sense of what she looked like but holy crap, I found out.

I was watching entertainment tonight last night, because I obviously live my life like #1 buku rockstar and they had a slew of photos of the insane skell Phillips was boning and man, she's nasty. Far be it from me to criticize someone's looks but she looks like something you'd find under a bridge eating goats. She looks like something a monkey would fling at you. She looks like something you'd find talking to itself at the bottom of a pit in Middle Earth. She looks like an extra from Where the Wild things are... Not Attractive.

Now this brings up another point where Phillips went wrong. He broke one of the most basic principals of skirt chasing, Never fuck anything on a lower rung than you. Always fuck your way up the food chain, never down.

The problem with bottom feeding is that it gives knuckedraggers hope and hope is the worst thing you can give to a sow. Hope is what sets up the lunacy that this hog let loose upon Phillip's life. It's what I call the CINDRELLA PRINCIPLE.

The Cinderella principle dictates that if you drag a troglodyte out of her hole and throw her a good fucking then she's gonna think she's the bell of the ball and want to hold onto her prince charming.

Let's face it, if you've seen pictures of the chick Phillip's was banging you have to acknowledge that very best she could have hoped for was maybe a random fingerbanging in dive bar from somone who looked like James Gadolfini. Instead, good looking, rich guy Steve Phillips came slumming along, payed attention to her, talked all purty, threw a burger down her gullet and dropped some spunk on her. She used to be happy in her hovel, now she wants the prince, the castle, the kids...everything. She was once content to gobble bricks of velveeta cheese, now she wants a table at Le Cirque. He fed the ugly, one eyed puppy and it followed him home. Big surprise. Big mistake.

Phillips should have chased hot poon with options. A smoking underwear model who can select which men she wants to have a romp with is a lot less likely to get fixated on and stalk a married 46 year old man. She might bang him to get over her daddy issues but eventually she'll want a younger man and move on.

The other good thing about fucking above your station is that when your wife eventually does catch you and you're living out of a suitcase at a motel six, you have fond memories. At least you can lay in bed and recall the blissful moments you raided some nubile bronzed babe's golden pagoda.

Fucking above your level also gives you better odds of being forgiven. No wife can really blame a guy for scoring top shelf poon. They eventually take a look at the other woman and admit that she was hot and that you really had no choice. In the end, If your wife really loves you and wants you to be happy then they can't, in the end, begrudge you and your penis the joy of ravishishing some upper tier strange. This troll that Phillips mucked about with is another story.

Fucking a cow like her will only make your wife feel worse that you valued her so little you were willing to throw her away for a few horny moments with a beached manatee and will, without a doubt, guarantee a divorce. I can hear his wife right now, "how could you risk your family for that?" "How could you choose that god awful mess over me? Get the fuck out!"

Next time you want to play in the pig pen take a second to think and take a second to ponder whether ms piggy's hole is worth the trouble. Then go find some porn, jerk off and save your life.