OBAMA READS W'S LETTER

this Obama guy is awesome, he's even got the long drawn out pauses between words thing down.

Obama Reads Bush's Letter - watch more funny videos

I HAVE A WAY WITH WOMEN

Yesterday I was at Macdonald's with my son. He was playing in the kiddie area when some 5 or 6 year old girls started being mean to him and taunting him, na na na na, that kind of crap. He started getting upset so I pulled him aside and said, "Listen buddy, don't get upset, girls will try to torment you your entire life. We better nip this vagina torture in the fucking bud. Now listen carefully,This is the greatest lesson I will ever teach you. If you want to totally crush a woman and destroy her psyche and make her love you at the same time; pretend she is invisible. Pay her no attention whatsoever, don't acknowledge her existence. they're less than nothing, they're not even shit on your shoe. Nothing drives women more insane than being completely inconsequential to you. But If you do feel it's necessary to engage and speak to them, whatever you say has to belittle either their hair, wardrobe or face. Their egos are fragile, their minds are busy, cluttered and weak. They lack focus, they are obsessive. Use this against them. Say something like, 'what happened to your hair?' She will lose her mind obsessing about her hair and never recover, she'll take that shit to her grave. Now go and ruin their days." Like a good soldier, he than stared at the ceiling and every time one of the girls said something to him, he said, "Is that someone speaking or is that a bug?" Within two minutes the girls were crying to their whore mothers about the mean boy who won't talk to or look at them. Score one in the war between the righteous man and the evil harpy females for the spawn of Ted.

Later that night I went out for a few beers with one of my stable of MILF's husbands. I was having a good time and had one too many and decided not to drive home. I was going to call a cab but I saw a women instead. "So your driving me home right?' I said. After a few minutes of small talk she agreed. Then she said, "Can I sleep over." I said, "Why? Do you want to have a baby? Because if you come in my house, your leaving with a baby in your belly. And I don't think my wife would like that."

"You're married?" she said
"yeah, but don't let that get in the way of you driving me home."

She didn't, I got home without walking or paying.
I rule.

YOU KNOW I'M MAKING THIS BITCH FOR PORKFEST 09'

This is what we refer to in the Porkfest world as a swiney wet dream. It's real name is the bacon explosion and I cannot wait to make it, eat it, and then die from it. Mmmmm, bacon induced heart attack. Thanks to my friend Liz who told me about this about two weeks and then sent me the NY times story about it today. To be the truly disastrous, swine engorged, wreck that am, I need my enablers. So thanks to Liz for keeping that hog monkey on my back.

This is how you make it, lay out 2 pounds of thick cut bacon in a basket weave pattern, rub in some pork seasoning, spread out 2 pounds of loose Italian sausage over it, season some more, then you put cooked, crisp bacon on top of the sausage, roll the sausage and cooked bacon up then the basket weave around that. Until the whole thing is tightly rolled up, You don't want too much air or it won't cook right and you'll have mini pork explosions. Smoke it for two and a half hours, glaze with BBQ sauce, cook it a little more, cut it up, eat it and die. It's fucking beautiful. I'm gonna make one to eat and one to fuck. The pictures are out of order but you'll get the idea.

TED'S BORED FUCKLESS

When this god damn interminable winter is finally over I'm going to sacrifice a fucking goat in the
hopes that winter may never, ever return. This is about this time of year I start getting myself into trouble. I get bored and need to create some diversions then I end up with 15 coke snorting Vietnamese hookers naked in my tub. Then my wife comes at me with a meat cleaver, no more boredom. I went bowling the other day and had some beers, had a kid's party to attend and saw my milf's, I have band practice tonight the Superbowl is this weekend yet I still feel the need to ingest a mason jar full of crystal meth and fly a rocket into the sun .

ALL THE LADIES WANT MY SUGAR LUMPS

REJOICE AND LET IT BE KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE LAND, IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS OF THE VELVET FACTOR

HAPPY VELVET DAY!

Holy bunghole! It's been three years of serious time wasting, ridiculous chauvinism, unbridled self aggrandizing, reckless political bomb throwing, anger, laughter, nudity, music, some more anger and all around stupidity. In the last three years this blog has gone from nowhere on the map to it's rightful, lofty position at the peak of mount Olympus which means, it's still nowhere on the map. Just where I like to be, unnoticed, unsung and unpopular. The triumvirate of Ted. Because I love myself so much, I will now quote my most genius moments to you all. All three of you. I love you all. Except the guys. God I'm funny. I'm going to kiss myself now.

"If I can't buy my kids a monkey with herpes, at least I can let them play Russian Roulette."

On a Japanese toy Gun "Inspired by #1 funtime kid movie The Deer hunter, didi mow your friends with hours of tense laugh making and joyful head shooting. Me so horny. Horny to shoot myself in head...like a rockstar!"

On eating Cap'n crunch -"...His firmness is really a problem. Because he doesn't get soft, he's shredding the inside of my mouth. I want to push him away but he tastes so good. I figured maybe if I take him into my mouth a little slower I wouldn't feel so much pain but it was no use. No matter how gentle I was was, all he wanted to do was shred the roof of my mouth till it was raw and looked like an empty banquet hall with party streamers hanging down. I had had enough, I put the Cap'n out with the trash. I'll never fall for a man in a uniform again..."

on a singing couple entertaining children-"She sang like a warbling soprano with Parkinson's and he spat out bus safety lyrics like Tom Waits with an extra rock in his mouth. I didn't really listen to them but I do remember hearing something like "Private parts are private, only Mom and Dad and Doctor." She was doing sign language and pretending to touch herself. It was creepy, but kind of sexy..."

On children's shows- "And what's with all the friggin' bears? Little Bear, Bear in the Big blue house, Baby Bear on Sesame street, and the worst bear apologists of all time, the fucking Berenstain bears.
The Berenstains live in a world populated only by bears. Instead of this world being a complete mess of bear shit, stolen picnic baskets and flipped over trash cans, these bears play soccer, write poetry and live in nice tree houses. Do bears live in trees? Did I miss something? What happened to dens and caves? What happened to hibernating, and giant claws and teeth and smelling girls on their periods?"

On eating nectarines vs peaches-"I really prefer it to be bald. Bald, wet and juicy. That's how I like em, ready and prepared, clean and shaven, sitting in their own juice, waiting to be devoured. They should can them or something..."

On an Indian movie called Jism "It's spunky and loads of fun! Come one, come all, to the most explosive romance of all time...JISM! It's aimed at females but men will feel relieved if they just relax, let go and enjoy the Jism experience. My wife really loved it, you could see it all over her face. Even seamen have popped in and exploded with bursts of joy moment after Jism moment. You'd have to be a nut not to love JISM. No other film even comes close to licking Jism. Jism made me so happy I'm about to blow a rod. "


Ok that's enough.

BYE BYE DICKS

It's finally over. Eight unrelenting years of douchebaggery gone, forever. This marks the end of Horrid chapter of American history best symbolized by ol' man Cheney getting wheeled out like a relic of a bygone era, he was Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life nothing but a scurvy little spider. Na na na na, hey, hey hey, Goodbye! See you boys when the war crime trials begin.



As for Obama. Speech was ok, not great, but good. His best line was,

"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." This is what bothered me most about this country in the last 8 years. We're supposed to be such a tough bunch of badasses but one attack scared eveyone ridiculously silly. I get it, 9/11 was fucking scary but too many people, especially people far away from major cities and the least likely to be blown up by terrorists were willing to scrap over 200 years of the constitution in order to feel a little safer and Bush and Cheney were more than happy to play up those fears and shred the parts of the Constitution that they found cumbersome to achieving their agendas.

Also, Obama fucked up his oath of office . A little bit of nerves for the new man? In Obama's defense, Roberts was going a little fast. I would have fucked it up too. Still, C'mon man, memorize that shit.

All in all a good day to be an American. I know Obama is all post partisan and wants us all to to hold hands but for one last time, Fuck you George W. Bush fans. Fucking idiots. Eat shit.

ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS TO PISS ON THIS TURD

But be careful or you'll catch something.

Our long national nightmare is almost over but now we have to deal with the banging hangover and a burning sensation when we pee. Seeing Obama coming in is like watching trucks roll down a tree limb littered street coming to fix the phone and power lines after the retarded hurricane W. crashed, twisted and devastated the land. I wish Obama the best, he's got his work cut out for him. As Chris Rock said, ( I paraphrase) "They finally let a black man become president once the country was already broke."

On the other hand, Bush set the bar so low that all Obama has to do is complete a sentence without sounding like an Appalachian conjoined twin and he'd already have done a better job than Bush.

I don't want to be mean or come off as angry when dumbo is finally going away but I am. I'm still pissed off. I'm still angry that I and everyone else had to put up with this fucking clown for eight years and I only have my fellow citizens to blame for that, so for one last time before this idiot leaves office, Fuck anyone who voted for George W. Bush. Fuck you all in the ass. That includes some of my best friends and family members and in-laws. To not see right away that this guy was a lightweight unfit to run a baseball team let alone the most powerful country in world puts you in the naive putzes hall of shame. His will forever be the STD presidency. He pretty much fucked everyone and left us all with a dose of the clap. He was the walking,talking Herpe of the oval office. A festering social disease that will take years to clean up and might never really heal.

I THINK I HAD A RUN IN WITH THIS GIRL ONCE

Blowjob queen lets her man know what she's gonna do...and it's bad. Warning: this is comedy, no real sex, just talking, fully clothed, not real porn.

MAN IT'S FUCKING COLD!

It's 2 degrees in my town today and it looks like this nasty ass streak of weather is never going to go away. I hate winter.
It's so cold, a woolly mammoth just took a shit on my lawn.
It's so cold, I have to pleasure myself while wearing mittens.
It's so cold, there's a drunk Eskimo standing in my driveway butchering a polar bear.
It's so cold, I ate my children rather than go food shopping.
It's so cold, Sarah Palin just snowmobiled down my street.
It's so cold, I made an omelette with fresh penguin eggs
It's so cold, a girls tongue got stuck when I triple dog dared her to lick my pole.
It's so cold, my local Hamas chapter is willing to declare, "The Jews ain't so bad" so they can relocate to Boca Raton
It's so cold, Bjork just bought the house across the street.
It's so cold, I saw Napoleon's army retreating through my backyard.
It's so cold, I have chapped eyes
It's so cold, a glacier crushed my mailbox
It's so cold, I sneezed and a green ice cube came out
It's so cold, I've become a Rush Limbaugh ditto head (hell froze over)
It's so cold, I grinded a diamond down with my nipples
It's so cold, I stepped on the gas peddle and my toes snapped off
It's so cold, MTV just pimped my dogsled
It's so cold, I have frostbitten nose hair
It's so cold, Brian Boitano delivered my mail
It's so cold, my tea kettle doesn't whistle, it chatters
It's so cold, I hear gay guys are wearing shirts in dance clubs
It's so cold, there's a killer whale in my neighbors pool
It's so cold, you can pay prostitutes with wood pellets
It's so cold, there weren't any Mexicans shopping at Wal-Mart
It's so cold, I brushed my teeth with anti-freeze
It's so cold, I used my wife's hairy legs as a blanket
It's so cold, I'm getting around on one of these

It's so cold, I use mukluks for condoms
It's so cold, our mayor lost the election to a very intelligent husky

Ok that's enough. You get the idea, it's fucking cold.

WHAT TRENDY DOUCHEBAGS NAME THEIR STUPID, ASSHOLE KIDS

	Girls Names	Boys Names
1	Emma	Aiden
2	Sophia	Jayden
3	Madison	Ethan
4	Isabella	Jacob
5	Olivia	Caden
6	Ava	Jackson
7	Madeline	Noah
8	Addison	Jack
9	Hailey	Logan
10	Lily	Matthew
11	Kaitlyn	Nicholas

I know some of you out there may have just had a child and given them one of these names and don't think at all that you were trying to be trendy or that you're a douchebag or that your little Ashton Kutcher trucker hat baby is either stupid or an asshole, but I'm sorry, if you just had a kid and it's name is in the top ten on this list, then you're a trendy douchebag and your kid is, and forever will be, a stupid asshole. Just like its parents. Because to become a trendy douchebag you first have to be a stupid asshole. Stupid assholes love growing up to become trendy douchebags.

There is no escaping this ruling. Even people who are generally innocent of douchebaggery are still guilty under this edict because of all the names that are out there, you picked the one's that most of the idiots who live in this country, from assknuckle Arkansas to the wives of orange county picked. And that is completely unforgivable and totally inexcusable. You should be ashamed. Let's face it, picking any of these names is a stupid, asshole, move. I'm disgusted. I piss on your child's dick name. You and your child should both be killed.


By the way, neither of my son's name's are in the top 100 and neither is my own, so I win.

WHAT'S IN TED'S MIND

God I love those elliptical machines. So it's the new year and I'm back at the gym. I'm one of those assholes that after six months of lying around like a load I decide for a few weeks every January to get healthy and make sure that the actual fit people at the gym can't find space on a working treadmill or elliptical machine. But the women who regularly go to the gym should be very happy every piece of equipment is taken because ol' pervy is walking behind them debating weather or not it would be wrong to take a bite out of their asses. Just a small bite, nothing painful. Maybe if the young ladies at the gym excercised like chick in this picture I'd keep going to the gym. Until that day I'll just have to let my torturous imagination keep me going but if the past is any guide, using my imagination on only keeps me motivated until early february.

JOE THE MORON

You know the republican party is an absolute joke and in it's it's last throws of gasping angry white man douchbaggery when they choose to A) make a hero out of this complete fucking moron and B) decide to send this dipshit to Israel to represent them as a war correspondent.

Fucking republicans love Israel all of the sudden. Where did this all encompassing love for all things Israeli suddenly come from? Isn't this the same big business party that worked with Germany even after war broke out? Wasn't this the same party that sent Charles Lindbergh over to Germany before WWII to kiss Hitler's ass? Isn't this the same party whose royal Bush family made a fortune off the holocaust? I'm pretty sre it's the same party that took money from the nazi's before the 1940 election to try to defeat the pro-British Roosevelt. Also the same party whose members tried to ship oil to the Nazi's from mexico. They got themselves some real pro-jewish history. Well their new crush came from the same place where all the other great conservative movements come from. The evangelicals. The evangelicals unselfishly want Israel to retake all of the Jewish lands in the Bible and stop sharing Jerusalem so the end times can come and all the Jews who don't convert can be killed. The republicans also never saw a Muslim they didn't want killed. They are foreign ya know. Put those facts together and add a right wingers natural disdain for nuance, facts, actual history complexities and you get Joe the raging retard war correspondant.

Pajamas media, a sort of right wing version of the Huffington post couldn't find any other uneducated, simplistic, asshole to ship over to Israel so they chose a lying, tax evading dunce to give his impressions of a war that isn't happening where he is but somehow he still knows what's going on better than Israeli Journalists who have lived with the situation their whole lives. Here's a trasnscript of said douchebag:
"I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war (sic). I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer-and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers."

He then goes on to tell an Israeli journalist how to do his job. I love how utterly childish this clown is. "Do you believe Israel is Bad?"

Just go back to snaking out shit filled toilets you stupid asshole.

JOE: The story here is people are being killed and the media's slanting it and trying to make it Hamas is, uh, as far as, that Israel's being bad. Do you believe Israel is bad?

REPORTER: Do I believe it?

JOE: Yeah, do you?!

REPORTER: I'm Israeli, so...

JOE: So answer the question!

REPORTER: No, I don't think Israel is bad.

JOE: Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?

REPORTER: Yeah.

[pause]

JOE: You do?!

REPORTER: Yeah.

JOE: Have you said that on air?

REPORTER: I'm just a reporter.

MY KID AND A DWARF

I was dropping my son off at school a little while ago and we were walking in with a mother and her son. The mother is very short. She's not quite a dwarf but not quite tall enough to be considered anywhere near the normal height for an adult female. I'd say she's around 4 ft 6 or something like that. So we were walking in chatting and just before I go to open the door my son asks, "Is that your son?"
"Yes, that's my son Noah."
"Ummmm... You can't have a son because you're too tiny."
Nice kid.
In other news:
I gave in and had one beer this weekend. I was bowling so it doesn't really count. Only 1 beer in the last 12 days, especially during the NFL playoffs, and drinking friendly snowstorms is some friggin' will power.

A couple of months ago I hurt my elbow and it still really fucking hurts. I think I tore some cartilage or something. When you can't even bowl properly due to pain it's time for some drugs or a doctor visit. Probably both. The embarrassing part is that I hurt my elbow raking leaves.
Reminds me of the joke:

How did the Polish guy break his arms raking the leaves?
He fell out of the tree.

How do you get a one armed Pollack out of a tree?
Wave to him

MY WIFE WANTS TO JOIN A CULT

My wife woke me up yesterday with some odd news, she was going to join a cult. She didn't say so in so many words but she did say she was thinking about going to a seminar in NYC with her friend.
"Oh Jesus Christ, what kind of dumb Oprah shit did my sisters get you into now." I said.
"Nothing, I was gonna go with friend X. Her sister and friend are graduating from their course and she thought I might see what it was about. It sounded interesting"

I called bullshit on her argument. "I heard her talking about that stupid shit a month ago, it sounds like EST meets Scientology meets the fucking secret. First their gonna make you hold in your pee and not eat and then they'll yell at you and then they'll hug you then you'll be open to brain washing, mind erasing, and subliminal thought programming, finally they'll make you bring home literature and try to recruit me and that ain't gonna fucking happen. Once I say no to your new cult, you'll steal my children and take the family money. Then I'm gonna have to kidnap my own kids back and have to find someone to have you deprogrammed before you sell the house from underneath me to pay for cleanses and detoxes and higher levels of training. Forget it, go watch Oprah re-runs. "

My wife laughed but it was really the "why did I marry this fucking asshole?" kind of laugh.

I'll tell her why she married me. To keep her away from cults. I can't keep her from her nutty friend but I can make her a skeptical prick like myself before she shaves her head, drinks the cool-aid and ends up dead in a bunk house lying end to end with a bunch of knuckleheads wearing purple pants and Nike's. I just saved her life. Her friend is on her own.

I'm all for unlocking one's potential but being that I have none the point is moot, but even if I did I doubt I'd pay some douchebag that I just met in a hotel ballroom to unlock shit. Next thing you know he's unlocking my pants and assraping me after the rufee'd up refreshments. I know how these cults work.
This is from their course syllabus. Totally not cult sounding
"You will design a personal commitment statement that brings the possibility of designing the context from which to live life. Each individual will experience being in action based on vision and commitment, rather than limitations."

HMMMM, WHAT WERE JOHN TRAVOLTA AND HIS MALE NANNY DOING WHILE JETT WAS BANGING AROUND ON THE FLOOR LIKE AN UNATTENDED VIBRATOR?

Oh the things learn on the internets. None of the news reports about Jett's death ever mentioned that the guy who found Jett's body, Jeff Kathrein, is the same guy Travolta was caught kissing in this picture. Now the picture is no big deal, it doesn't prove gayness, they could be kissing on the cheek or something which some guys do with their male nannies but why would John Travolta or his wife hire a fucking wedding photographer to be nanny to their seizure having son unless one of them was fond of his bone? I can imagine the interview:

Travolta's : "OK my son is 16, has seizures all the fucking time, can't speak and is autistic or what we call, "suffering from kawasaki syndrome." What's your experience in dealing with a child with his needs?"

Jeff kathrein: I'm an ambiguously gay wedding photographer and a scientologist

Travolta's: You're hired. When can you start?

Gawker is calling bullshit on the whole thing. Pointing out how the professional liars that are the Travolta's even photo shopped the pictures of John and Jett that were sent to the media after Jett's death. Hmmm Wedding photographer, amateurish photo shopped pix? That possibly gay photographer, nanny guy is really hands on. (no pun intended)


The nanny who found him, Jeff Kathrein, a Scientologist wedding photographer hired by Jett's parents, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, was once spotted in an intimate kiss with Jett's father. Police said Jett was alone for hours, after last being seen the evening of January 1; a family lawyer maintained that Kathrein, who slept eight feet away from Jett, found him almost right away.

MOST BIZZARE COMMERCIAL EVER

I saw this on cracked.com they had it under the title of Baffling Old School Video Game Commercials but this commercial isn't just fucked up for a video game commercial it's pretty much as fucked up as a piece of film as you'll see in any genre and is I believe, let's you straight into the mind of an honest to God lunatic. It's like Dennis Hopper finished directing Easy rider and then made a Video game commercial. It's a form of advertising I've never seen. How many commercials have you ever seen that begin with a disembodied voice shouting, "Hey! You look like a real Jerk!" The story line only devolves from there.

The hand of God then snatches the car off the street, shakes the screaming family out the window apparently about to fall to their deaths. God then throws the car down in a violent explosion. The cheesy rocking 80's tune kicks in and the family all land in speeding, out of control formula 1 cars while other cars crash and explode all around them and everyone starts screaming. The screen does a psychedelic acid trip thing and they all race in fear until the mother's eyes bug out of her goggles and she shrieks in fear, everyone crashes and explode. The quivering family walks away with car parts embedded in their bodies. The voice then tells us, "You'll bust your crank and leave skid marks on your soul!" Watch it, it's a hoot.

NOT THAT I'M COUNTING OR ANYTHING

I haven't had a beer or any other alcoholic drink since last Wednesday. It's not like I feel like I have a problem or anything. God knows there's nothing wrong with a 40 year old man who binge drinks. I've just stopped the 1 or 2 or 3 trickle a day beers. I'm going to see if I can last the month to test my personal fortitude. Being that January is a shit month with nothing much going it's both harder and easier to not drink. The sheer dreariness of the month makes you want to drink out of boredom but the fact that there are no parties or events or anything fun to do makes it easier to avoid situations where drinking is most likely to happen. Oh shit...Wait!
The inauguration is the 2oth! Bush goes away! Forever!!!! Forget everything I just wrote. I'm gonna get fucked up! Yee Haw! I love you alcohol!

IN HONOR OF ME

I went back into my own archives because I knew the third anniversary of the Velvet Factor was coming up and I wanted to check the date of my first post. That's when I came across this little gem, it was my 14th post and it was just a small random hint of the awesome Juggernaut I would become. Too bad it's actually not a monkey but a chimp, a member of the great ape family. Good thing the 5 people who read this weren't around back then to catch my mistake. That would have been embarrassing and might have set my whole blogging career on the wrong track. I very nearly fucked the whole thing up. Whew.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

If I had to bang a monkey...

I think it would be this one.

0 comments:

HOCKING SNOT

My house has been a little bit of an infirmary the last two weeks with my kids, my wife and myself all having chest and head colds. This of course sucks but what really sucks has more to do with me. Anyone who knows me pretty much knows that one of my pet peeves is someone continuously coughing, sneezing or clearing their throat. That's why my whole life is kind of a self induced hell. Let me explain. Ever since I met my wife she has had an insanely disturbing habit of loudly clearing her throat as if she had a Lebanese hot dog salesman lodged in her sinuses. The mind shattering sensation is really tantamount to having your gums scraped with a dirty, old, toilet bowl brush. Yet, somehow, despite her tick or illness or deformity, I was able to look at her as a whole person, not just as a douche chilling throat noise, fall in love with her and marry her. When I said, "I do." She said, "Hmmschhhshlagghslurp." That either shows you just how wonderful or totally fucking stupid I am. To be honest, the fact that after all these years of her hocking, I haven't just sawed her head off with a chainsaw should put me in the running for the second coming. Jesus would have dropped a fucking piano on her head.

But the last two weeks have changed all of my Godliness. My beautiful, sweet, caring and wonderful wife has had a brutal chest cold. She has been miserable and I feel bad for her but if she doesn't stop hocking, coughing and clearing her throat, I think I'm going to light her on fire and ax murder her head. With love of course. If you see any news stories about a headless body being found in the New Haven area...it's her.

WHY I DON'T SKI

I don't ski because I suck it at but hanging upside from a chairlift with my dick blowing in the freezing breeze is a new reason to just stay in the lodge and get fucked up.

HOW NORMAL PEOPLE ACT

After my mom died, I watched her autopsy, quickly had her nuked and put in an urn, flew to Florida and had a big, Catholic church van with crucifixes and pictures of the Pope on it pick up my entire family to re-audit everyone and get all of our stories straight. All perfectly normal. The kid supposedly died of a seizure but had only been put on one type of anti-seizure medication. That's some good care taking. Good thing there's no such thing as mental illness, because if there was... you might die or something.


One last note on this, the other day I read how John was doing CPR on the kid when the paramedics arrived. That was the Scientology lawyer story, today I read from the paramedic at the scene that John and his wife were just kind of tapping the kid on the head telling him to wake up. CPR? knocking on his the head? Same difference.



this sounds like normal behavior... "The authorities are also not releasing the results of the autopsy, which was performed under the watchful eye of Travolta's family doctor, Mark Smith."

John Travolta's Gulfstream 2 jet has arrived at Tampa International Airport from the Bahamas following the cremation of his son Jett.

And it is believed the movie star was at the controls after asking to personally pilot the plane home from the Grand Bahamas.

The plane was met by a large van with logos and insignia from the Church of Scientology on the tarmac, and a source said everyone who disembarked, got into the the van.

The ashes of John Travolta's teenage son, Jett, were flown home to Florida last night soon after it was claimed he died as a result of a seizure.

STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES

I'm reading today about Israel hitting two U.N. run schools in Gaza that are being used as shelters. Now I know the scumbags in Hamas use schools and Mosques and baskets of kittens to hide their weapons but if Israel really thinks that blowing up schools and wreaking havoc is going to make their nation safer, then they're out of their fucking minds. If Israel was any other country, The U.S. would be telling it to back the fuck out of Gaza and to chill out, but being that Israel is never wrong about anything and to even raise concerns about their actions makes you an anti-Semite, then they pretty much have a kill as many people as you want for free card.

I know Hamas was firing off rockets into Israel and that something had to be done but don't you think the leaders of Hamas knew what they were doing? Every time Israel goes batshit over these dangerous but relatively minor attacks, Hamas and Hezbollah take in boatloads of money, weapons and new recruits. No one had been killed by any of the rockets fired by Hamas. Now you can't wait till they blow up a school and kill a bunch of kids either but you don't remove a splinter by chopping off a hand. You send in a small crew of special forces and you slit the fucking throats of the pricks with the rockets. End of story.

It's not like a lot of people in the middle East really need a reason to hate Jews. It comes as soon as their born with their hairy backs and C-4 rattles, but why stoke the flames even more? It just makes sense, I might hate you, but if you leave me alone I'm not going to seek you out to hurt you. Drive a tank through my house and kill my kids? I'll spend the rest of my life looking to blow your head off.

Israel has this "never again" philosophy which in their minds makes it o.k. to do whatever they want to protect themselves. But when your in a small raft surrounded by sharks, it's not a good idea to throw chum in the water. There's reports of Jews in Paris and other cities getting attacked by pissed of Muslims. Sometimes the best way to protect yourself is restraint.

JETS OWNER WOODY JOHNSON IN THE BUNKER

Man does this guy have a mouth on him. I ripped of the ol' Hitler in the Binker bit and put this little baby together myself. It seems the owner of the jets doesn't like losing any more than I do. He also seems to have a thing about shitting on and raping people. I have to say, it wasn't until I let Hitler rant for me that I started feeling better. No one does it better than Adolph.

I FEEL LIKE A SCIENTOLOGIST AFTER AN AUDIT AND A DETOX

I feel like shit. From my mighty ass to my lungs of power, I have an illness creeping within me that wants to hurt me. But I will fight it as I would a thetan from the 7 moons of meepzorp. Maybe it's Kawasaki syndrome, I did use fabreeze the other day. But back to these dipshit spacemen actors. Of course I'm still calling bullshit on the death of Jett Travolta.

From the latest news I've read, Jett was on anti seizure meds but they took him off because they no longer worked. Wow, good plan. How about finding a new regiment that did work? Also, now lawyer friends of Travolta are saying Jett might have died in his arms while he gave his son CPR.
OK so what? The real deal is going to be the timeline which keeps changing. I'm also interested in the fact that a friend and laywer gave a joint interview but wanted all statements to be attributed to both of them equally. Sounds like they don't want their stories split to find differing accounts. I know I'm a paranoid type but if you know anything about scientology then you'll know how they use lawyers and secrecy to control their message and to bring down anyone who disagrees with them. C'mon ya spacemen lawyers, come get me!!!!!!

I've seen the video of Jett with his parents in Paris being ushered into an airport van and it's pretty obvious that the kid was autistic or had some other mental disorder but in defense of the Travolta's, at least they took him with them on their travels and didn't just leave their son at home with nannies. So I don't think they didn't love him, I just think they didn't do what the kid really needed to make his life better. And if they didn't help him as much as they should have because of their cult, then they are pieces of shit. The whole thing smells.