SHORT SHORTS EVERYWHERE; THANK YOU HEAT WAVE

This revival of short shorts is so fucking awesome I can barely contain my joy. Every tramp from 18 to 30 is cramming their asses into little shorts and putting it on parade. Now if these asshole chicks would only free it up and whore themselves out to random strangers I'd really be happy.

I was a wee bit shot yesterday after having a couple of jerk friends over for some food and booze on Saturday. Had a great time enjoying the scorching heat wave while being told what an annoying, fat necked, irresponsible, asshole I am. It warms my heart to be so well thought of. I do believe it is well established in Mrs. manners guidebook that guests should try to achieve a two to one balance when addressing ones host. That means for every one compliment, female guests should try to offer up at least two insults to their male host. Kudos to my friends for having that down. Anyway, in between the love, I Drank quite a few beers and a couple of bottles of wine while cooking for my unappreciative friends in the blazing heat.

So yesterday with booze induced grogginess I didn't feel much like doing anything. I was sleepy and my vision was blurry so I just parked it on the couch for most of the day. Somewhere along the way my wife decided it was my job to go out and buy some more shit, so up I went to search for a certain Nerf gun for my son. I wasn't digging the task or the Nerf Gun wild goose chase I was sent on let alone the fact that the Nerf Gun quest eventually led me to my least favorite store in the world; Wal-mart. I was grumbling like a grumpy old prick while walking into the store until I noticed all the slut tramps buzzing about like whore moths clad only in tight, little, shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out. Now usually Wal-Mart is primarily filled with sloppy, fat, white chicks that only the brothers will fuck and electric, sit down, shopping carts being captained by the morbidly obese, but last evening, I hit the slut load. Girl after girl walked in or out or past me with the tiniest of tiny shorts. Some of them looked like sea hags but for the most part all was right and young and good. I was reborn. My grogginess lifted like a morning fog, I was alert, happy, chipper and ready to fuck some ho's. I didn't of course, but just wanting to made me feel better. I went home and had an Italian ice and thought about juicy asses in short shorts.

But then I got to thinking about why these girls wear these types of shorts out in public and I got mad again. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that these whores put their body parts on display like Amsterdam window hookers but the thought process that goes through their heads is troubling. It takes a certain type of passive aggressive douchelyness to hang your ass meat out to a sea of random men as a tease, forbidden fruit, here it is, but you can't have it kind of thing. Very dickish. The split personality, Madonna whore thing going on in girls brains is baffling. I'm going to wear skimpy shorts so all the men drool over my rump, wait, all the men are staring at my ass. Those dirty, dirty, perverts. Look, at my ass. Don't look. I'm a whore, I'm a good girl, I'm a whore, I'm a good girl. Enough! Just pick one and stick with it. Preferably, I'd like them all to choose the whore so they can blow me and Mel Gibson.

The real problem is that these girls put all this sexuality on display but in the end they're not really sexual at all. Not compared to men. We are carnal freaks. We've got testosterone which is a million times more potent than those weak ass girly hormones. All girl hormones do is make you piss off men, obsess about dumb shit and bleed on your white pants. Women like to talk a big game and read romance novels and drool over teenage vampires but please, men are a zillion times more worked up than the ladies are. Women can fool us though, they give up the sex fairly regularly at the beginning of a relationship to snag the man but then begin to ration it out like bits of chocolate on a deserted island. Build me shelter, I'll give you a piece of Hershey's. All that juicy ass I saw last night was more than likely drying up and going to waste, un-enjoyed by the husband or boyfriend they stopped fucking with any regularity a while ago. Why can't girls who dress like whores just be actual ravenous whores and save men the time of dealing with all the other crap we put up with just to get laid? I need an Italian ice.