THIS WOMAN NEEDS MY SEED...AND SHE NEEDS IT BAD

She's married isn't she? Why isn't she flushed with kids? Don't give me that acting career crap, why isn't she about to pop? If Christina Hendricks was my wife there would be no form of birth control strong enough or type of dirty, filthy, sex act perverse enough to stop my insane, heat seeking seed from finishing its task of impregnating her. It would take any route possible to crack her eggs. From inside her stomach like Pinocchio in the whale, my sperm would seek the path of righteousness to find some purchase. That body was put on this earth for one reason, the baring, nurturing and expulsion of my babies. Look at those hips, she could drop a baby out sideways. I want that woman to be a mommy to my kids. She might be a shit mother but just like Sir Edmund Hillary wanted to be the first to plant his flag on the top of Mount Everest I want to take ownership of her womb, well, first her Vagina then her womb. I want to be the first to cram a kid in that cranny and afterward slap some bumper stickers up in her uterus that say,Ted wuz here! So If her dickfaced, douche-nerd of a husband can't launch a BB of baby batter strong enough to penetrate her actress defenses then I will have to take over. What I lack in pinpoint accuracy would be made up for in sheer volume. I would just make it my business to keep her constantly doused in my love grog. Everything she touched from pillow to pencil would be swimming with my mojo. I would defile all her cosmetics, toothpaste tubes and feminine products with my manjam until she was ripe with Velvet. Then I would alert the media and say,

"Take heed all lesser men! Know that you are inferior with weak semen and unsuitable women with which to hold your offspring! It is my progeny that dwells within that perfect birthing vessel known as Christina Hendricks. It was I, Ted Velvet that busted some business all up in her shit to the point of conception! Take note and despair. Your testicles are now shamed! Acknowledge my greatness while I throw a bonus fuck on this hot, giant breasted bitch. Now kiss my ass and eat from the temple of my turds! Suck a dick he-bitches! Ted Out! "

It will so rule when I do all of this.