Olivia Wilde who plays dying doctor, Thirteen on the doctor show, House, is one beautiful woman. She's beautiful and likes to have pictures taken of her where she appears semi-nude, semi-clothed and semi-ready to bark like a dog. Woof. Man oh man, she's a hottie. Now she's a little on the skinny side for Ted, I tend to like my ladies with a little more junk in the trunk and more ballast in the bra but due to her scorching hot ridiculousness, I will make an exception and love her up House style, like a sick, untreatable, diseased bastard. She probably has the most beautiful eyes of any girl on a hospital show. She's lovely, demure, smart, plays a bi-sexual on the show and loves the taste of Ted's baloney hammer. Yup, everything you could want in a women. When she comes over to visit me tomorrow I'm gonna play doctor. I'm gonna put on my latex gloves and stethoscope and mask and give her a thorough physical. I will put her on my treadmill oiled and naked doing a very slow walk in high heels to make sure her ass doesn't have a cold then I'm gonna tickle her with a feather to make sure her breasts aren't broken, then I'm going to check her for a hernia with my wiener. Then I will play a fertility specialist/ terrorist and explode a baby bomb all up in her belly.
Ugh, sunday was rough on Ol' Ted, monday was better but today is rough. Sunday was hangover day, my band had a gig and I might have over done it just a tad, now it wouldn't have been that bad if I could have slept late but I crashed at my friends apartment after leaving his bar somewhere around 2:30 am then he had me up at 9:00 to head back to the bar to set up for brunch by 10:00, not exactly the thing I needed after a dozen or so beers and 5 shots of Jame-o. My wife has since forbade me to drink jameson's she may be right. Yesterday i was a bit tired but otherwise fine, today i had to get a molar crowned and I feel like I got mouth raped by Mike Tyson's fist. My dentist had more shit in my mouth all at once then I though possible, his hands the hygienists big suction nozzle, her fingers, clamps, water spritzers, hoses and god knows what else. I'm not sure but i think he might have slugged me in the jaw a few times as well. It's been 3 hours and I'm still numb like Amy Winehouse. My stomach is rumbling like crazy but i can't eat anything because I'm afraid I'll bite my tongue off and I use my tongue a lot.
I don't know about you but I always find women lying on their death beds sexy as hell and so does this director. Topher Grace from that 70's show and Kate Bosworth from I don't know what, get some notes on what their characters are really thinking about, and it's not cancer. This is about as raunchy as it gets and very NSFW but very god damned funny. Money quote: "Does somebody need me to fuck their cancer right out of their pussy?"
last night my wife was giving my two boys a bath, "Wash your bums and your penis's and your testicles" She said. "Do you have testicles? " asked my 5 year old "No I don't " Answered my wife. "Why not?" Because girls don't have testicles What do they have? Vaginas Can I see your vagina? No, it's private area, what does it look it like? Asked my 8 year old I know what it looks like, it looks like a little bump. said my five year old a vagina is just a penis without testicles. said my 8 year old No not really, said my wife well when i can see one? asked the 8 year old maybe your dad can find a drawing that's not too graphic for you can he find us a picture of an old one so it looks really gross? asked my 5 year old
the laughing went on for a while after we finally got their minds off pussy
I was getting a haircut today and this magazine was sitting there on top of Maxim and Esquire and all the other tease magazines with bleached blonds and fake tits. I picked this up and I stared and stared at this cover for what seemed an hour drinking in all the ridiculous, round curvy, milky white, hotness. I looked at the magazine, looked at the bathroom looked at the magazine, looked at the bathroom and thought, will anyone notice if I take this in there and peel one off quick? I didn't do it but I wanted to. The only thing I hate about this picture is the ponytail across the crotch, if it wasn't there my barber might have found some extra gel in his bathroom.
A women like this is why the whole notion of monogamy is utter bullshit. Any real man that sees this should immediately want to plow this fertile ground until it can be plowed no more. The curves, the hair, the heaving, insane bosom all call out for one thing, for me to crank my hump machine up to a thousand and drill like an oil derek on overdrive. God I love women, they got all the good stuff. Wives and girlfriends should encourage their men to love many, many, women then we'd appreciate them more and they would reap the benefits of our new found understanding and empathetic pro-female attitudes. Look, the better I understand the inner workings of many women's vagina's then the better I'll understand the inner working of a woman's brain. Duh, it's a win win. It's elementary. If the wife would let me plow poon unimpeded by jealousy or by feelings of ownership, abandonment or any of those silly old "emotions" then I would clearly gain more knowledge into the depths of the female soul and therefore my wife would reap the rewards of me becoming one a hell of a fella. I would learn things like, I should do the dishes without being asked to because while in the act of fucking many hot women, I would learn that women don't want to have you to ask you to do something, they just want you to take the initiative and get it done. See? I get buckets of ass and she gets her dishes washed by a guy with a smile on his face and song in his heart. If only my wife understood the plus side of me having a trillion sperm to get rid of daily. I'd become so in-tuned to the woman's magical world of emotion and repressed anger that I'd be doing the dishes, the laundry, rubbing her feet, having sympathy periods, watching soap opera's, lifetime channel, reading twilight books...whatever she wanted, all she has to do is give me license to lay endless miles of pipe and spread my seed across America like Johnny applecock.
Ya gotta watch this clip of a republican whack job describing the filthiness of anal sex, ya know, wiggling your penis around in excrement. It's pretty funny. Now her whole argument is that anal sex is so dirty and so abnormal that gay men should not be able to marry other men because their sex is unclean, therefore proof of their abnormality that should therefore preclude them from being married. As if fucking a chick on the rag is all flowers and Jesus. Oh yeah, all that assfucking between gay men will also hurt the children. You know when your dealing with the crazy people that it always comes back to the kids because according to this woman they're teaching how guys assfuck each other to the children in the 5th grade, with diagrams! That's some progressive education.
Now she thinks anal is so terribly filthy and almost makes the supposition that anal sex is strictly a gay act as if their aren't any chicks that dig anal when I know for a fact that some of them do. She also equates filthy with both gayness and badness which anyone who has good sex knows, if it ain't dirty, it ain't good. I'm not saying you have to piss on each other but you know body parts tend to wander around and occasionally find naughty places not approved by God. that's the good stuff, the fun stuff. Now I don't know if this woman has ever had sex before but did she think her husbands dick came out of a band-aid wrapper before he stuck it in her? And God only knows what was going on in her hole, she could have had a flea circus doing a three ring spectacular in there. I'm sure most gay guys keep their asses a whole lot cleaner than she kept that soggy oyster she's sitting on. Live and let (anal sex between married men) live.
Being in a band ain't easy...at all, especially when your in a band with guys in other bands. Now you would expect being in an irish band you would have guys that keep their schedule's a little open for the gigs that have a way of unexpectedly popping up once march rolls around. You would think that if you were dealing with normal people but musicians are not normal people they are borderline autistic and should have their own designation under the autism spectrum.
St.Patricks day isn't just one day in these parts , it's a season, every town has their own parade and the parades are spread out between Saturday and Sundays over the entire month of march. It's a good time for a band like mine to make some hay, It's like tax season for accountants. I mean, we're never gonna get rich doing this but you definitely get paid better and are in more demand in march then say in October.
Case in point, we get a random call from and organizer of a town on the Jersey's shore's St. Patrick's day parade committee. The guy heard of us through the grapevine checked out our stuff and liked us. He offered us $2000 to go to new jersey and play for two hours. That ain't chump change so a few of us are like cool, let's do it, another guy in the band comes forward, "uhh, I already committed to a guy in Massachusetts to play with an Irish fiddler that day, I didn't think we were booking any more St. Pats gigs, so I said OK, I know it sucks but I just reconfirmed the date with guy and I don't want to go back on my word." That's very nice, very admirable but meanwhile I've been forced to go back and blow off gigs left and right that I had already agreed to do because someone else offered us more money on the same day. It's a fucking business, $2000 for the band versus the hundred bucks he'll get for himself. How's that for a nice fucking? Why the hell would you play in two Irish bands? You would think some conflicts might arise around this time of year. I don't know why I bother with these fucks. We are booked pretty good for the season including two gigs on St. Patrick's day, one in Hartford one in New haven but still, the jersey gig would have been fun, I would have made 400 bucks beer money for doing a little singing in front of drunk sluts and maybe even Could have punched Snooki in the face. It's like dealing with children. I let my disappointment be known but did not force it. A happy band is more important than the money but next time I break out the fucking baseball bat and crack skulls.
No show makes me laugh harder than 30 rock. It's kind of like the way the Simpsons was during its glory years. There is a clever joke almost every other second. The show is jam packed with absurd, random, really smart comedy and great characters. Alec Baldwin as conservative NBC executive, Jack Donaghy is perfect, the guy has the best, deadpan voice in the world. The only one who outshines Baldwin is Tina Fey. She created the show writes it and leads all the sillyness. I've never seen a female with better comedic sensibilities and a fearless ability to make herself look ridiculous. I'd compare her to Lucille Ball but she's more retrained, more subtle. her character, Liz Lemon, is almost as embarrassing as Ricky Gervais was in the original BBC version of the Office. She's a disaster area with men, she's got a mustache, she fucked James Franco and his Japanese body pillow, she's awesome. Even if there was no 30 Rock I would still respect Tina Fey for the great writing she did on SNL and her complete obliteration of Sarah Palin. She was on Howard Stern a few years ago and said that Paris Hilton was a "piece of shit" How can I not love her? If Tina fey wasn't already married I would stalk her. She's the only woman for me, she gets me, she talks to me through the screen, I want her hair! I want to eat her boogers!
Astronomy, meteor showers, the Moon, Space, Planets, The night sky, Infinity right above your head
I took astronomy in college to cover my science requirements (as well as climatology and oceanography) Ha, no chemistry or biology for this master of taking easy classes to pump up my GPA. Anyway, I always dug the night sky and going to planetariums, telescopes all that shit so taking astronomy was a lot of fun. There's nothing cooler than watching a meteor shower or seeing a big, blazing meteorite flaming across the sky. I saw a ridiculous meteor come crashing down one winter night in the hills of Idaho, It was the size of my head and went scorching in front of my windshield . It was pretty fucking awesome.
Salvador Dali
How can you not dig the surrealist landscape this crazy spanish bastard invented. From dorm room stoners, phony skull capped hipsters, bohemians and bankers. This fucker has graced a million walls with his koo koo collages of color and curiosity. He had a cool mustache too.
SLUTS
Eventhough I can no longer partake in their non-selectiveness I can still appreciatethese tramps when I see them out and about. Whether at the mall, food shopping or while pumping gas, I can spot a slut a mile away. They are always advertising their easy disposition with overly tight clothes, exposed whale tails, tramp stamps, tongue studs, caked on makeup etc.. Sluts are out there like std filled beacons of hope, loose labia Lighthouses letting men know that if the going got rough there's a friendly port to dock your boat in for10 or 15 minutes. As long as there's a free stall in a dirty bathroom at some dive bar, you can find safe...well...(wear a condom) harbor .
Stretchy gym pants
The ladies who wear these are keeping me alive, watching a beautiful ass do repetitive workout routines in these skin tight whore pants is pretty much the only thing that gets me to the gym which in turn is probably the only thing keeping my drunk, sausage eating ass alive.
Angel hair aglio-e-olio yeah I know this picture is linguine but I like angel hair
It's just pasta with a lot of garlic some olive oil, grated Romano or Parmesan cheese Italian parsley some red pepper flakes and salt. Light and delicious takes maybe ten minutes. I could easily eat a pound of this shit. Yum-bo.
These crisp and sassy beers have been caressing and lovingly drowning my taste buds for the last two nights. I am by nature a Pilsner man, of all the ridiculous quantities and styles of beers I consume, I always come home to a Pilsner. It is my #1 bitch and the gal I most like to taste. A pilsner is just a regular old lager beer but with a slightly lighter, fruitier, more hoppy snap. Where an IPA beer is overloaded and bursting with hops, a Pilsner is more balanced between maltiness and hoppiness. A good pilsner is Crisp, light golden in color, zesty, with citrus, slightly lemon smell, dry and refreshingly bitter. A good Pilsner is the Alpha and Omega of Ted's boozetime religion. This Sam Adams Noble Pils is right up there, it's not as good as my favorite Pils, Pilsner Urquell or Victory Prima Pils or the great Czech beer Staropramen, (technically not listed as a Pilsner but all juiced up on Saaz hops so it's a Pils) but it's probably my favorite Sam Adams beer to date. It's got lots of flavor, not overly hopped up or carbonated, but nice and light and thirst quenching, very drinkable, like I drank ten of them the other night, drinkable. It's pretty fucking delicious. I will continue to drink these dirty bitches until Sam Adams takes them away. They're only being sold as a seasonal springtime beer which is kind of nuts because a good crisp Pils is wonderful in the summertime to cool off with. Buy a 12, drink it down and pray for springtime to show up sometime soon because what this beer really did to me while I got drunk and watched the snow fall was make me ache for some beautiful weather. Slainte.
Love that she's rockin' a baby scar and box whiskers at the kids choice awards...I choose the hairy thing inside them thar jeans
God bless America and all of its hairy vaginas. I will say it without any fear of recrimination, I am pro-pube. I like when women have pubes and display them with gusto. I never liked that, pedophile, newborn baby, Hollywood, total Brazilian look. I've been waiting a while for this completely bald trend to fade and as a person highly attuned to which way the vaginal wind is blowing, I can safely say that it is now safe for women to rock the bush. All the signs are out there, Movie stars, pornstars, supermodels Sarah Palin, they're all giving up the Kojak for a healthy, post pubescent, adult take on what should really be going on in poon town.
I've always been a fan of some business goin' on down below, I want to feel like you've been there a while, established, something I can trust, like Smith Barney or Charles Schwabb. I don't want to drop my deposit into just any coin slot. If I invest in land I want to know 2 things, A) is it fertile? B) is it legal? Can I safely own the shit out of this parcel? Once I plant my stake on that land, I don't want a fruitless desert plain or some abandoned, cat lady, house, I want a nice lawn, a trimmed garden and an inviting entry way. I like it neat and tight as if Gomer Pyle owned that land.
I want your vagina to look as if it was in the marine corps. The few, the proud, the va-jeens... Oorah! That's one neat lookin' poonanner you've got there private Piff, Outstanding! At ease. Spread em' if you got em...I don't know but I been told, shavin' your vulva can feel mighty cold.
I don't want to get too graphic but pubes are also Gods sexual speed bumps. Let's face it fellas and like minded ladies, working a ladies drop zone with your face can be hard work and quite taxin' on the ol' tongue and jaw region. If there's nothing there to slow you down then it's just like a fat man on a slip and slide... someone's gonna get hurt. You need the fun follicles to add some traction and to give you a well deserved, pickin' the pube out of tooth, time out. Take a break, catch your breath, floss and give a compliment about the buffet... then go in for seconds. That's amore.
She insisted. Who knew a sports illustrated bikini model could show off a big Gothic tat about where I stick my wiener and still get the cover? I'm really surprised they didn't airbrush it out. I hate to do it to her cause she's looking really good but those hips weren't just put here to grace the covers of magazines, no sir, them hips were made for pushing out my red headed children. I'm gonna bust one loose and knock out a baby all up in that cootch. I own that shit
Colbert calls out the hypocrisy of this contemptuous empty shell of a person. Even though I've been wishing ill upon this evil coos since she first showed her face in the lower 48 and started lyin' and wink'n her way across America, it's always a little more gratifying when these pieces of shit do themselves in. Whether it's John Edwards cheating, Rush Limbaugh being a drug addict or Sarah Palin slowly but surely eliminating all doubt that she is what anyone with half a working brain initially knew her to be; a completely stupid, ignorant, media whore unfit to run an ice cream truck let alone a state or a country. The right wing, ku klux klan waiting for Jesus types will still love this woman but with each obvious trip down stupid street she lets everyone else know that she's just an empty vessel parroting talking points like some GOP pull toy. She has time and time again exposed what she really is, a truly stupid, mean spirited, ugly woman, put more simply, as Colbert did, "Sarah Palin is a fucking retard."
Busy weekend for ol' Teddy, drinkin', a massive, house shaking explosion, going to see a 3D movie, eating popcorn, cooking a beautiful T bone,Tim Tebow and his mom, and the Saints kick Peyton in his untimely pick throwing balls. Nice.
Friday night the wife and I got an invitation to go hang with a nice couple we know so I sprung for some good beer, Anchor Steam and Einbecker Mai-ur Bock and some wine and we headed out for some pizza, drinking and bullshitting. As always, I did most of the drinking and the bullshitting but I'm prety sure we all had a good time. I'm very entertaining. I woke up feeling a little on the groggy side Saturday so pretty much did nothing but watch TV and play video games with the kids. I did however buy a beautiful T bone steak and grilled it up Montreal style all for my lonesome. My wife is not a big steak fanatic so I scarfed down a perfectly cooked, juicy as all get out, 2 pound hunk-O-meat. I was pickin' and chewin' on that bone for a good hour before I gathered up the stones to throw it away. I gotta get another one do that again... today!
Sunday was like any other day until my house shook as if the fucking Nagasaki bomb had just been dropped. I was chillin' out reading the news when my whole house moved. I said, wow, that was weird, and then went on with what I was reading. An hour or so later I asked my wife, "did you feel that earthquake thing earlier?" She said, "I was kind of dozing off on the couch I thought it was the boys banging something around." I said, "They can be loud but they never shook the entire house before, in fact, the last time I felt something like that was 20 years ago when that gas rig in the middle of long island sound exploded." I wasn't far off.
It seems a natural gas plant about 10 or 15 miles away from me on the Ct. River in Middletown exploded, killing five, injuring many more and there are still people missing. Fucked up yo.
We took the kids to the movies I saw Avatar, while my sucka ass, wife watched the fucking chipmunks squeekquel with my kids. Ha ha, sucka. Avatar was a good flick, nice special effects, good 3d especially when there were bugs and burning embers floating around, really put you there man. Actually, a nice spleef would've put me there but those days are long gone. The story outside of some of the spiritual aspects is fairly hackneyed. I've heard many people compare it to dances with wolves, they're right. Same shit, different colored Indians. Still, a good waste of time.
The Superbowl was a good game, I thought the colts would romp but Drew Breeze played almost the perfect game and kept manning off the field. The Saints D played well enough especially the linebackers and in the secondary, with the help of a few timely drops and a pick and that's your ballgame. Loved the pick at the end to ice it for the Saints. Peyton Manning, take him outside that douchebag dome and he's a different cat. He's a very good quaterback, maybe the best of all time, but he's much more prone to making mistakes if the elements aren't perfect or if the crowd isn't on his side. I'm very happy for the Saints and their fans. They had to sit through more years with shitty teams than any fan should ever have to endure. Congrats! Who Dat? Dat's me saying congrats, now shut the fuck up with that gay, who dat shit.
Speaking of Gay, anyone watch Tim Tebow gay out all over his mom? I'm glad she didn't abort him and that she had a healthy son and that they both survived her rough pregnancy but I wasn't a big fan of their pro life ad airing during the Superbowl any more than I would like seeing a pro-choice ad. Keep that shit out of the game. It wasn't the worst commercial just kind of odd, the mom gets knocked on her ass by her big gayboy son and then he gets all huggy, and gay smiley, it's all a bit strange. Finally he asks, "Do you still worry about me mom? She says, "Yup I'm worrying you're out kissing dirty pickles at truck stop glory holes." If you're wondering why I think he's gay, just watch. Ho-mo. (Not that's there's anything wrong with that)
You have to be fucking kidding me. This bitch cannot possibly be so stupid that she has to write 4 moronic talking points in the palm of her hand to handle a Q and A at an imbecilic tea party convention. "The words "Energy", "Tax" and "Lift American Spirits" are clearly visible. There's also what appears to read as "Budget cuts" with the word Budget crossed out." You would hope something as obvious as crib notes written in her hand would once and for all convince the brain dead stooges on the far right that this empty headed, shit-for-brains-bag of stupid, is in no way qualified to clean a piss and pube covered toilet, let alone run this country. Now that's wishful thinking on my part because the people who like Sarah Palin and think she is qualified to be president are so delusional, so stupid and so used to ignoring anything even remotely factual that they would happily watch the world burn if it was Queen Sarah lighting the glorious, waiting for the rapture, fire.
Take a good looking, charismatic, dunce with absolutely no qualms about lying, add to that an apocalyptic biblical vision of the world, sprinkle in a devoted following of jesus drunk morons who believe they have been somehow victimized by everyone that isn't a fucking idiot, mix this with pro Israeli neo-cons to guide her and you've got yourself a scary, scary, situation.
She went on Fox news yesterday to talk about how Obama can be re elected in 2012, her bright idea wasn't to fix the economy and to get jobs and health care for people, her fool proof plan to for Obama is to attack Iran.
"...Say he decided to declare war on Iran or decide to really come out and do whatever he could to support Israel–which I would like him to do. That changes the dynamics of what we can assume will happen between now and three years. ...I’m saying if he did, things would dramatically change if he decided to toughen up and do all that he can to secure our nation and secure our allies. I think people would shift their thinking a bit..."
This is the same person and the same bunch of clowns who are bitching and whining about the deficit but she wants Obama to somehow go to war with another country, and not for our sakes, but for Israel's. i don't know what else to say about this blithering turd, she is beneath contempt. Watch her check her crib notes like the stupid, 15 year old, beauty pageant wannabe she is. She's all yours right wing America.
I've been getting messages from people I never even knew for my 25th high school reunion and for some reason it's depressing the living shit out of me. It's not because it's been 25 years and I'm getting old and am gonna die, it's depressing because the time I spent in high school, the time that's supposed to be so wonderful or filled with memories is basically a blur and meant absolutely nothing to me. I had to look up some of the names of the people approaching me to attend the reunion in my yearbook because I had no idea who they were. Once in the yearbook I started reading the lifeless messages people had written me. It was ridiculously obvious that I meant absolutely nothing to these people even back then but somehow we interacted enough for them to want to write something about our empty time spent together. Now I know I never asked a single one of these people to sign my yearbook, it's never been my style to ask for anything, so most of the people who wrote horrible, luke warm, good lucks in my book approached me first to write something in their books. I only hope I wrote something in their books as dickish as I acted in high school because if I was actually myself when I wrote my messages then I might have actually filled some of these stupid yearbooks with something vicious and worthwhile, maybe a little comedy.
The notes written to me were mostly of the, "You cracked me up, there's something not right in your brain, become an all American lacrosse player in college" variety. It really is a depressing read. Now I'm being approached to re-live nothing. I'm sure I would have fun because I would meet people I never really knew and probably like some of them a lot more than I ever would have back then but I am not really inclined to go. The friends I have from back then I don't need a reunion to see.
Ex- Colorado congressman and serious hater of all brown people, Tom Tancredo was speaking to the fine, white, tea partiers at the convention yesterday and said that the US should re-institute literacy tests for those who wish to vote. Literacy tests are the things they used to give to blacks in the south and west in order to deny the vote. He said, "President Barack Obama was elected because "we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote in this country." Which in bigot-ese means, blacks and latinos shouldn't be allowed to vote. Now if they really had civics and literacy tests do you really think the GOP would have a prayer? Whitey Please, all the cracker ass white goober crackers would choke on their chewin' tobacc-ee at the first question that wasn't about NASCAR. You know you've got a movement of geniuses when Sarah Palin is the keynote speaker... You betcha we're a bunch of dumb fucks.
Stupid little in-sayings that only douchebags from a certain area think are cool. Who Dat? Go fuck yourself. It's a stupid chant that's been around that loser new Orleans saints football team for years, I take it the people in the stands would sing "Who Dat say gon' beat dem saints? but no one ever gave a shit about it because the team sucked royal nuts since time immemorial. " Now because they finally made the superbowl I have to be inundated with every cock smoke on TV repeating that lame shit. It's like the superbowl shuffle of ebonics. New Orleans used to be a city filled with poon and booze and dancing black funeral processions now it's just a bunch of assholes in who dat T shirts. Who Dat? Shut the fuck up Dat's who dat.
It would be the most awesome of days if major league baseball threw out Bond's and McGwire's and Sosa's home run totals for their juiced up years. Give the records back to Roger Maris and Hank Aaron. Set things right in the world. Pitchers and catchers report in two weeks. Boston sucks.
This lying sack of moronic redneck shit recently got on her high, I've got a down syndrome baby, preach box to whine about White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel's use of the word "retard" over the summer. Rahm was speaking to democratic congressmen when he told them they would be acting like " fucking retards" if they took out ads against their own party in order to get the public option into the healthcare bill. Never one to miss an opportunity to pretend she's been affronted and assaulted, Sarah Palin's ghostwriter went on her facebook page and demanded Rahm be fired for saying bad stuff about her kid. Now Rahm had already apologized for using the word before this used tampon ever got on her soapbox to play the aggrieved mom but you know she never misses an opportunity to milk that kid for every tasty drop of learning disability goodness. Mmmm I can almost taste the downs.
Now a problem arises, Rush Limbaugh went on the air yesterday to bash the political correctness of the whole "retard" thing and actually defended Rahm Emanuel for calling dems retards because as Rush Put it, "He's being condemned for calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards." Then he went on to say Obama will have a retard summit like he had with the cop and the black professor. Now Rush is a complete piece of shit and a fat retard himself but he's right about this. So will Sarah Palin now demand Rush apologize and be fired or will she bend like all conservative bitches do to lick Rush's big, fat, boil laden, diaper rash, crotch rotten ass? I see the knees bending...the tongue protruding... the glasses steaming from the foul rectum miasma. Lick away bitch.
I hate to agree with someone as heinous as Rush but the people who get all up in arms and think someone is speaking about their kid when they use the word retard, are full of shit, oversensitive, ashamed of their kid and quite possibly, retards themselves. I am friends with a woman who has a daughter with many special needs and she freaks out whenever she hears the word retard. It's completely ridiculous, she knows no one is talking about her daughter but she reacts as if you just kicked her kid into a puddle of mud. "Don't say that word, it's offensive to me and my daughter." It's almost as if she looks at her kid with scorn and thinks everyone else is as well. She's internalizing the word to the point that it could have no other meaning but to insult her and her daughter. The over sensitivity is almost a giveaway of shame. To me, if you are truly accepting of the abilities your child has no matter how disabled they might be, then hearing someone call a teen girl texting while driving and swerving all over the road a "retard" should induce a laugh and an a comment, "damn right, even my fucked up kid isn't that fucking stupid."
If Sarah Palin really cared about her son she wouldn't be jet setting all over the place for speaking fees or take him on the road as a fucking pro life prop. if she truly cared about his future well being she'd be with that kid at home getting as much therapy and birth to three training as she could possibly give him. She would also be enrolled in classes that teach parents of down syndrome children how to communicate with and teach their children. But school is for elitists, she wants her down syndrome kid to be the down syndromest of all, it plays better in the sticks.
Update: Palin's spokesperson/writer of all of Palin's so-called ideas let's Rush almost have it. "I asked Palin spokesperson Meghan Stapleton for comment on Rush’s rant, and she emailed me this: 'Governor Palin believes crude and demeaning name calling at the expense of others is disrespectful.'” Notice no calls for an apology and no calls for Rush to be fired. If Rush doesn't apologize then it points to Sarah losing her clout amongst the wingnuts, but if he does, than she's the new boss of the lunatic fringe.
I thought I'd heard and seen it all but every now and then I come across a story that is truly magical. Take the strange 1988 case of a teenage girl living in the small southern African nation of Lesotho. She was born without a vagina just a dimple to pee out of, which, by the way, sounds kind of cute, like a little doll. Anyway, this 15 year old girl that was born without a vagina which is a birth defect called, Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, showed up to an emergency room with terrible pains in her abdomen. When the doctors examined her they came to the conclusion that she was in labor. Huh? How does a girl get pregnant when she's got no entry way? How'd she get knocked up without a liquid explosion all up in her business? Well this baffled the doctors until they took a look at her medical records and noticed that 8 months earlier she had been admitted with a knife wound to her lower abdomen. It seems she had just finished blowing a dude when her ex-dude barged in all pissed off and ready to do some stabbing. The two men went at it with knives. With sharp blades and fresh sperm flying all around, the poor girl got a puncture wound and was rushed to the hospital.
When she arrived at the hospital with the knife wound the doctors flushed out her stomach with saline solution, her stomach was empty...well, almost empty. The doctors suppose that the delicious baby batter she had just recently consumed was flushed from her gut into the wound and down into her abdomen and somehow those amazing jizzy swimming bastards found the holy grail and gave her a tiny, future knife fighter.
Some doctors have questioned the story because most girls born with her birth defect have to be operated on before they start ovulating because the blood from menstruation has no outlet and just pools up in the abdomen so a normal 15 year old girl would have had a gallon of blood in her gut but if she had only just begun to menstruate then it's plausible.
The doctors gave the girl a c-section and all was right with the world. Except for the no vagina thing but I'm sure they fixed it with an apple corer or something.
There was a poll that came out the other day that sampled self identified republicans about their attitudes about the President and a whole host of issues. Aside from the fact that 63% think Obama is a socialist, 53 % think Sarah Palin is more qualified to be President than Obama and 23% want their state to secede from the union, The poll showed again and again just how out of their minds most people on the right are. But no one question brought more consensus among the American Taliban than this one, "Should openly gay men and women be allowed to teach in public schools?" A whopping 73 percent of Republicans said "NO" only 8 percent said "Yes" This coming from the party that is supposed to stand for individual rights. The ship of republican normalcy sailed away years ago with the last hunks of Ronnie Reagan's mind.
Yesterday The question of, "Don't ask, don't tell" being repealed came before a senate hearing and of course when the chairman of the Joint chiefs of staff, Admiral Mullen and the Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates said that it should be repealed, the wingnut republicans wet their pants and got all in a typically cowardly, the sky is falling, tizzy . Three years ago, the rapidly aging and angry piece of chalk, John McCain said that we should trust our military leaders on this issue. Yesterday when the military leaders gave an answer he didn't like he blew a douche gasket and scolded the Military leaders telling it them that it was not their decision to make but congress'.
From their belief in torture and paranoia about trials for terrorists to the belief the president hates whites and was born in Kenya, and their ridiculous fears of gays, the Republican base is a festering pool of ignorance and self pity. The world is closing in on these dinosaurs and they can't handle it. They don't belief in Evolution or natural selection so it's really no surprise that these relics cannot adapt.
Gay ex-conservative Andrew Sullivan says it much better than I can
"...What you begin to realize is that on a whole host of issues, the GOP is going backward in areas of social tolerance, as they marinate in their own paranoia and purge every non-ideologue from their ranks. And as they go backward and feel, yes, left behind, their virulence and resentment intensify. It's a classic fundamentalist response to modernity.
It has a parallel in the way in which non-violent Islamists have doubled down on medievalism as they feel an overwhelming sense of their own failure to succeed in modernity. There is a profound insecurity and dysfunction in these subcultures which cannot make the transition to modern life and thereby surrender more totally to the ancient past and to hatred of those who succeed. The hatred of Obama - a clearly decent and obviously Christian man - is not about him. It's about them. It's about their resentment of a man who has integrated his own identity and made a place for himself in a pluralist world. They cannot do that - so, like Palin, they invent a world of ancient virtues and moral absolutes that they routinely fail to live up to in reality. I mean: look at Palin's family and Obama's. Whose is the more traditional? And yet Palin is allegedly the avatar of family values - and Obama is a commie subversive.
I DON'T KNOW BUT I BEEN TOLD DEAD CHICK PUSSY IS MIGHTY COLD
Look, we all want to fuck corpses but sometimes you have to have a little patience and wait till no one's around, it's not like they're going anywhere.
A sick, really desperate and super horny bastard, named Kenneth Douglas was a night attendant at the Hamilton County morgue in Cincinnati in Ohio for twenty years and liked his ladies silent, demure, and dead. Somehow 3 years ago he got caught for banging a dead chick way back in 1982 and got sent to prison. I guess they decided to check if he had anymore "girl friends" and they found another pair of murder victims that he loved up from 1992. C-razzzay.
CINCINNATI — A former Ohio morgue worker in prison for having sex with a corpse awaiting autopsy has been sentenced on two more counts of sexually assaulting corpses.
A judge on Tuesday sentenced 56-year-old Kenneth Douglas to three years in prison. Douglas pleaded guilty in October to two counts of gross abuse of a corpse for violating the bodies of two 1991 female homicide victims.
The sentence is to run after a three-year prison sentence Douglas is serving for having sex with the body of a 1982 female murder victim.
Douglas was a night attendant at the Hamilton County morgue in Cincinnati for 16 years ending in 1992. Prosecutors say the indictments were based on DNA testing.
Preposterous random awesomeness. You either have to be an incredible genius or a complete nutjob to think of something so stupid and nonsensical yet so funny. I wish my brain worked this way. seleck waterfall sandwich
Pink, half naked and soaking wet at the Grammy's hanging upside down, suspended 20 feet over the audience,spinning and hanging on with her legs while singing a song. Pretty fucking impressive. The girls got some cahones. I must tip my hat to her. Pretty fucking cool.
C'mon that can't even be remotely comfortable singing while your mushy girl stuff gets mashed like a vulva pancake. This outfit doesn't even give her poor poon the option of splitting sides and camel toeing for a little room and some air, it's as if she took a vaginal iron, set it to steam and flattened that poor thing like a slab of silly putty. Look you can use it to peel the comic strips right off the page! Now Stretch it, roll it up in a ball and bounce it, it's silly labia. It's like she's trying to stuff a tissue back into the box. Girls can't cram the outie stuff back into the innie stuff. As for the face, c'mon Marylin Manson pulled off the same exact look ten years ago. I know it's a crazy idea but she needs to pretty herself up a bit. I recommend the Heidi Pratt entire facial eradication method of plastic surgery. Lady Gaga can just go in and come out looking like an entirely new, plastic, vacuous and ridiculous person. Cut off that face and Just dance!
Olivia Wilde who plays dying doctor, Thirteen on the doctor show, House, is one beautiful woman. She's beautiful and likes to have pictures taken of her where she appears semi-nude, semi-clothed and semi-ready to bark like a dog. Woof. Man oh man, she's a hottie. Now she's a little on the skinny side for Ted, I tend to like my ladies with a little more junk in the trunk and more ballast in the bra but due to her scorching hot ridiculousness, I will make an exception and love her up House style, like a sick, untreatable, diseased bastard. She probably has the most beautiful eyes of any girl on a hospital show. She's lovely, demure, smart, plays a bi-sexual on the show and loves the taste of Ted's baloney hammer. Yup, everything you could want in a women. When she comes over to visit me tomorrow I'm gonna play doctor. I'm gonna put on my latex gloves and stethoscope and mask and give her a thorough physical. I will put her on my treadmill oiled and naked doing a very slow walk in high heels to make sure her ass doesn't have a cold then I'm gonna tickle her with a feather to make sure her breasts aren't broken, then I'm going to check her for a hernia with my wiener. Then I will play a fertility specialist/ terrorist and explode a baby bomb all up in her belly. 
