COULDN'T MIRANDA KERR HAVE DONE THIS WHEN I ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEE HER NAKED?

This is what's wrong with women, modest when they shouldn't be and brazen when they should cover that shit up. Do I want to see a girls breasts when she looks like a beach bunny or when she looks like a fertility idol from Cameroon? This whole pregnant celebrity posing naked thing is so old and tired that there are barely words to describe how annoying it is. We get it, you have a kid in your stomach, big fucking deal. Does that make you special? Only if it's mine bitch. I try to get into the reasoning behind women feeling a need to get naked and show off their pregnant bodies but it's just so counter intuitive that I can't. My brain just isn't stupid enough to figure out why once the baby has bloated a woman's midsection to Marlon Brando territory and her tits look like a New Guinea head hunters, she chooses that moment to show off the tainted goods.

I know women get excited when they've finally done what they were put on this earth to do besides drive men into murder suicide rages. They spread em, took the seed, got knocked up and now they want to show off and act like the baby they are having is the first of it's kind, the wunderkind, zee uberbaby, Jesus #2, JFK, Mother Teresa,Princess Diana Tom Brady and the great gazoo all rolled into one little fetus, but trust me, that kid will be just as a big a fucking idiot as the rest of us, and in Miranda Kerr's case, much worse. That kid, whose dad is movie star Orlando Bloom will be beautiful and perfect looking and will be given every advantage, raised with wealth and never want for anything; except maybe attention from its obviously self involved parents. I don't think I'm breaking any psychological ground when I say that Mom's naked pregnant photo reveals a massive case of raging narcicism that will lead to the needy kid getting addicted to crystal meth.

Why do you think so many mom's get post partum depression? It's because they have this big build up to the great unveiling. For years they have built the perfect baby scenario in their minds, the happy family, the perfect child everything will be just so. They get compliments and gifts and showers and validation for being so womanly and then the baby comes and everyone comes to see the baby and it's wonderful and the baby is beautiful and again you are feted and heaped with praise but soon enough everyone goes home and it's just you and a little person that you have to raise and take care of and serve and commit almost all of your energy and life to and an equally baffled husband that pretty much expects you to, ya know, be a mom and do the shit that's supposed to come naturally. The bloom comes off the rose. It's you, a crying time suck and a husband that you don't give a shit about anymore because you have the new thing that you have no clue about how to raise. You suddenly feel very alone. Pretty soon you complain, the husband doesn't do enough to help, the baby wakes up at night and wants to be fed, you're tired, your nipples are raw the baby isn't the most perfect thing in the world, it is a monster that wants you to be there for it and give it everything you have. You find yourself not so in love with your baby. The feeling of the immediate bond didn't come. You have an alien screaming in its crib. Time to either freak out and drive away at 3:00 am or call the doctor in the morning to get some happy pills. You wish you had thought about the whole, "let's have a baby thing" a little more. Welcome to hell, you're a parent. Congratulations Miranda Kerr!

THAT'S WHY YOUR HUSBAND IS FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE

I see this pro-bitch meme posted on Facebook every now and then:

Unfortunately most women won't repost this. I'm a handful, I'm strong willed, independent, a bit outspoken and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I am sometimes out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell .........don't deserve me at my best. If you're a BITCH ..., repost! I dare you! I'll be looking for the ladies who repost!!!!!!!

What a patently ridiculous and stupid argument. Here's the logic, I'm an out of control asshole that makes your life miserable a good chunk of the time but because I'm nice sometimes, you should put up with all of my other bullshit. To this I say, "Shut the fuck up bitch." How about trying to act respectful with your spouse or boyfriend? Don't treat them like a child every time they do something you don't like and keep the out of control, bitch behavior to yourself. It's amazing that women think there is some wonderful empowering upside to bitching at their man. There isn't. Guys will put up with shit and then fuck your best friend, the one that keeps telling him, "she doesn't treat you the way you deserve." right behind your back and won't give it a second thought. If a guy treats his girl like shit and acts, "out of control" women are the 1st one to tell the woman to move on and find another man that values her and will treat her right. It's completely unacceptable for a man to yell at or have tirades at his wife or to call her names or question her intelligence, but somewhere along the way women got it into their Oprah-fied emotionally soaked skulls that there is some sort of nobility to being a raging cunt. There isn't, and every guy I know that has plowed other fields while in a relationship has used his lady's bitch attitude as a motivator and a justification. Treat me like shit? Treat me like an asshole? Fine, I'm gonna go titty fuck a college sophomore. Ka-plow. If you love your man but he does dumb shit from time to time, shut the fuck up. Let it go. If you think being a bitch is ok because all of your other qualities make up for it and because you're so special, forget it, you're wrong. You're not that special, you're just a bitch with a vagina lucky enough to find some guy that chose to hunker down with you for a while. Keep up the bitch routine and he'll find another vaj and another chick, maybe one that isn't so proud of being an out of control bitch.

DEMS TAKE AN ASS WHOOPIN' : ANGRY MOB DEMANDS...SOMETHING?

Well the Democrats lost the House and nearly lost the Senate but thanks to geniuses like Sarah Palin and the ever so bright members of the tea party, unelectable, retarded, know-nothing candidates Like Sharon Angle and Christine O'Donnell became their parties nominees which blew republican chances of taking both houses. Smart people. They did manage to oust a shitload of democrats for the sins of giving sweetheart bailout deals and billions of dollars to the banks and wall street and General Motors while at the same time remaining socialists. That's a tricky act to juggle. The smart people in this smart country replaced the evil, big spending, bailout Dems with ex-bankers, lobbyists and other corporate stooges, this new congress will surely have the people's best interests in mind. Well played. Smart people, smart country. That's how you take this country back. Take it away from the party that tries to solve problems and give it to the people who work for the corporations we bailed out who don't believe in government. Like I said, Smart people.

Besides the Tea party assholes, there was also a massive voting mob of angry, white, people who just don't want Obama doing whatever it is he is doing. Ya know, socialism. That and the whole preventing the world from falling into a massive depression while trying to end two wars, protect us from terrorists, create jobs and reduce the deficit without raising taxes. Americans hate taxes but they also hate the wild spending and the exploding deficit but they don't want cuts to medicare, military spending or social security benefits but they want Obama to spend on job creation. Give us jobs but don't spend money. These are actual numbers from the exit polling from around the country, This is what Americans say they want, On spending priorities, 40 percent favored deficit-reduction, 35 percent "spending to create jobs," and 19 percent cutting taxes.

Smart people, smart country

Four years ago the republicans got their asses booted from congress after running it for 12 years like a drunk asshole making it rain at a strip club. The Dems got handed the shit sandwich the republicans left behind, but the republicans are masters at spinning and hammering away at false narratives. Obama's a socialist, tax and spend liberals! Republicans are pathological in their ability to obliterate the truth and masters of knowing that the American people won't give a shit or pay attention to the fact that they are doing so. In this case, they did a masterful job of pinning all of the country's financial woes on Obama and the Democratic party. Republicans in congress did nothing to help but sat and watched while people struggled. They did nothing to help during the biggest financial crisis in 80 years and for their lack of effort had the reins of power handed back to them. Masterful job knowing that, We as a people are a Smart people, in a smart country. Now the Republicans can call hearings on stuff they don't believe in, like global warming, evolution in schools and Obama's citizenship. Smart country we've got here. Smart people.