HOME AND DRUNK IN THE NEVER ENDING SNOW

I've been blowing off all writing because i'm too fucking busy shoveling shit off my house, my driveway, my gutters, my roof, my walkways, my front door, my cars, my garage and my asscrack. You name it, I've been shoveling it or hacking at it with a hatchet or throwing ice melt on it or trying to figure out a way to keep myself sane amidst 20 snow days for the kids. I literally want to blow my head off. Not so much because of the weather, which has been rough but I'm a tough guy. I laugh at the snow bitch, mother nature, bring more of that white shit you sloppy weather cooze. I don't care, I'll tunnel through your snowy blizzard vag and stick my shovel up your sleet, and freezing rain, cock asshole. No, I'm fucking spent from having my kids around all the time and the need to constantly keep my house from being destroyed by that weather whore.. I'm fed up with a lot of shit.

The jets killed the only thing I had to enjoy myself in the throws of this wintery onslaught. Seriously, after the jets bitched out and played half a game against a shitty team lead by a rapist that will get smoked in the Superbowl, the only thing I had left to do is drinking, fucking and shovel ice and snow off of all of my stuff. Now drinking and fucking sounds fun except for 2 things A) my kids are home 24/7 because the schools can't open because it never stops snowing. B) My wife works 1000 hours a week and no longer needs me in any capacity outside of father and handyman. Sucks for me. Don't get me wrong, she loves me like crazy because i'm so awesomely funny, charming and good looking but we're both fucking exhausted. Even if we wanted to fuck 24/7 we'd both pass out before the 1st kiss. She did buy a new bra last week which sent me into boobgasms but that's a private matter but today I yelled to her up the stairs, " I'm going to the store." She yelled down, "will you get me some mint chocolate chip ice cream?" I said, "Will you blow me?" She laughed and said, "of course." I said," How many gallons do you want?" Now the funny thing about this story is that she was impressed at how fast I said, "will you blow me?" She not only thought it was funny but admired my speed. Now that's a keeper. What a women. But back to this god awful shit storm of fuckhell.

I am bone weary of raking, shoveling and hacking away at my driveway, roof and cars. I was on a ladder this morning at 7:00am in the 15 degree weather hitting the ice damns on my roof with a hatchet to create a spillway for the melted water to get off my roof. I have had for the last month almost a steady 2 1/2 feet of snow melting at any given time down into my gutters which have long since been pluggged up with solid blocks of ice. The roof snow melts, pours down to the gutters but can't flow over the ice damns and can slowly causes drips inside of windows along walls, ceilings, and pipes. I've had a couple of issues but for the most part have been lucky enough but to stay lucky I go and hack away at the two feet thick ice damns to alleviate any standing water on the roof. Planting a ladder into three feet of snow against an icy gutter makes you feel somewhat insecure, hacking away with a hatchet as freezing ice shards fly into your face is not fun. Combine the two and you have the makings of a shitty morning. I came into my house after draining and clearing away frozen ice and water trapped under two feet of roof snow clothed like a white, frozen statue . All the hacking with a hatchet had ice clinging to both my hair and my face and my fingers were a cramped, blackish blue, gnarl of a fist. My right shoulder and hands were simply worn out. I couldn't hack away at any more ice or rake away another layer of ice and snow. My hands could no longer hold onto anything.. It's been a rough winter but I'll still fuck this mother bitch up, I can kick mother nature's whore ass back to the top of mount olympus or Mount whorebag or mount chlamydia ... She can run but she can't hide, spring will come and I will fucking ravage her. Just as Hades owns Persephone's ass I will take my rightful place among the pantheon of gods and fuck shit up, I will piss outside on mother natures precious, green, spring, face a hundred times. Watch out bitch!. I'm gonna go mythological on your dirty winter ass.