That's why I suck at it, it's not me, it's the gay blog world.
Why have I been so lax in writing this idiotic blog? Well it just got depressing. I literally had no desire to write..anything. Blogging went the way of the dinosaur and I wasn't good enough at it or interesting enough or willing to pimp this thing 24/7 to get a readership. I got sick of writing stuff no one ever read, all in all, it was a pretty pointless endeavor from the get go. For the last ...gee whiz I don't even know how many years I've basically been writing this thing it's been mostly just a diary of stupid, sexist, crap and political hackery. It was always meant to be a distraction for myself, just a giant time wasting exercise based on my vanity and bottomless stupidity. It was fun for a brief period around 2007 -2008 when I started getting a few regular readers and there was some sort of blogging community that kind of paid attention to each others shit, girls flirted with me and sent me nudie shots, people praised my ability to be a snarky cocksucker and to turn a phrase, I liked the attention and writing for and audience was fun, but like all things that involves myself and other people, I got bored. I couldn't stand most of the people that were in the blogging clique, I thought I was a better writer, funnier, less fucked up, more together, and most of all, more interesting to read than most of the other writers. I couldn't stand reading their shit. And as this intermingling went on I noticed that the stuff I was writing was becoming shittier, I was trying to out-whatever all the others. Out sex, out gross, out curse, out mean spirit, out do them all. I wasn't quite me, it was like a bad teenage high school movie. Being different to impress the other kids, finding myself being that stupid and lame was disturbing so I stopped reading their stuff and commenting and communicating with the other bloggers and slowly but surely they fell by the wayside, I outlasted them and the few I actually liked quit their blogs and moved on with life, leaving me, captain asshole, all alone, writing to no one like a dickhead floating around in a jerkoff space capsule floating in an endless void, lost in in space. But then something sent me a little red box telling me i had a message...it was Facebook and I was no longer lost in space.
I really think the rise of Facebook doomed this and most other blogs. Facebook is simpler, You can post the stuff you like to talk about, post movies, pictures, jokes, whatever it is that makes you, you. You can throw it out to your friends and get instant feedback and praise from family and friends. That's pretty much what bloggers want, shit, that's what I want, a voice and attention. Enter Facebook and blogging lost it's main purpose, to feed the ego. And in my case, the instant gratification without all the time spent writing was the tits, no work and attention? For me that's gold baby.
I rail against facebook all the time but I'm full of shit because I like getting notes from people and I like when people respond positively to a picture or comment I post. I like facebook but I can't truly be me on there. On this blog I can write whatever the fuck I want. Facebook is like being in a straightjacket. Don't want to disturb the herd too much, keep it clean and keep it apolitical. And that is fucking boring. I hate almost all of my facebook friends, their fucking corpses, they're not funny, they don't think, they are nice and polite and they bore me to fucking tears. That's why this blog still has a purpose for me, that's why I can't truly give it up. If I posted what I really think on facebook the facebook nerd police would have me in GITMO in no time. I would piss off all the good sweet boring people in my life so bad I would be a pariah that's not so bad for me but it would hurt my wife, everyone would look at her differently for being married to such a scumbag. But here I am safe and thank God because next week is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 and every simple minded, flag waving, grief whoring dildo will be trying to out lament fuck each other. It's going to be a disgusting display of who, can top who, 9/11 war stories and I'll tell you right now I'm gonna fucking puke. I'm gonna yak up how much I hate this seemingly ceaseless American need to mourn and remember and light candles and ring bells and remain silent and other such pointless acts of self serving, non stop memorializing. I'm gonna barf up my hatred of our new national pastime into a nice, anti social, fuck the 9/11 crybabies blog post. It's just a blog that no one reads anymore anyway and I'm not me writing it, I'm Ted Velvet, just a douche blogger and top notch asshole. So if someone should actually stumble across this post while looking to grieve over the fallen of 9/11 and it's not to their liking, Fuck you. Leave a nasty comment.
16 comments:
Epic fuck off. Well done. Yr still in the depths of my rss aggregator.
I light a candle, and mourn the loss of your blog with a cup of wheat grass tea. I think your arch nemesis George W went away. Superman needs Lex Luthor, Batman needs the Joker, and Ted Velvet needs a dipshit, goofy, Republican. He was your muse!
Who knows, maybe the mouth breather masses will vote in the other Texas idiot, and he'll inspire you.
I always wait for you to post.
Agree with you wholeheartedly - about facebook (which I love, BTW - bloggers were just having this very discussion over there) and 9/11.
I hope you keep writing here.
Always a whining fuckin' pussy in the room to make my last beer of the night taste like shit.....but I never expected it to be you!!
Stay thirsty you Fuckhead Demboy!!
I hope you keep writing as I always read your blogs and agree with your political opinion. And you make me laugh.
Pt. I
Heh ...
So here you are, in the middle of 2011 and after ... what? ... (*looks at sidebar archive widget*) ... five and a half years of blogging, drawing exactly the same conclusion that I first drew back on July 14, 2006, after only 12 months in the blogosphere. The problem with blogging was becoming clear to me (a) way before anyone knew what Facebook was, and (b) way before the start of those halcyon days of which you spoke -- the 2007-08 boomtimes, when lotsa folks were getting readership by bumping into the community of bloggers that I had pulled together out of so many isolated pockets of mindless self-indulgence in the vast wasteland that has always been, and continues to be, the blogosphere. Yeah, your readers back in those days were largely my readers -- the AngryMans, the CRags, the Malachs, the Mikes -- along (I suspect) with the folks with whom they all began hanging out as they seeped further and further into the muck from which -- alas! -- I couldn't save 'em.
The problem -- as you point out here in terms of Facebook specifically -- I put in more general terms. The overwhelming majority of bloggers -- heck, the overwhelming majority of Internet users -- see all of it exclusively in terms of networking. Blogging, to them, is just like MySpacing, Facebooking, Twittering -- it's all about hooking up and making pals.
Pt. II
And why is that? Heh ... It's simple. It's because the alternative model -- the model that has always been operative in my blogging projects -- is just too much like work. That's the model of blogging as performance. Blogging, in my opinion, should be a creative outlet. It should involve the implementation of craft. The folks in that overwhelming majority think, when they sit down at the keyboard, "I'm DONE working for the day! I don't wanna hafta WORK at building a blog. I just wanna do ... whatever the heck I do." And, of course, since they want their blogs actually to get looked at -- read and commented on -- they go straight for whatever is likely to provide automatic readership. They first tell their real-world pals about their blogs, and so their real-world pals start reading and commenting because, after all, friends play with, and pay attention to, their friends simply because ... well ... because they're friends. Next, as they encounter other folks in the blogosphere, they do everything they can to make THEM into friends too. No sooner do they have blogospheric contact than they're in full extra-blogospheric communications -- through email, and nowadays through all the social networking avenues like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc., ad nauseum.
And the net result? Well ... since they have the automatic sort of readership that comes because friends play with friends, they realize that it simply doesn't matter what they post. Their friends will pay their respects in any event. So, of course, they post what comes quickly and effortlessly -- the online diary, the workplace / grocery-checkout rant, the political diatribe, or some other version of "HERE'S MY LIFE ON DISPLAY!", to which any good friend will obligingly respond with the Internet version of a Hallmark card, not in the form of a personal / private email, but rather in the form of a public comment that couldn't possibly be of interest to a general readership). And thus blooms fully the run-of-the-mill, boring-ass, product of the blogging-as-networking model.
Pt. III
And back in those halcyon days ... Man, I tried like a motherfucker to get you into my game -- one of only a very few games that haven't by now either spent time in, or slipped irretrievably into, the land of the big Nicholson -- sadly, to no avail. When I tried gettin' some play outta ya, you reacted like a turtle that just got tapped on its shell. "Ah, well," I figured, "ya can't get pay out of a non-playa"; and so I was content to leave you to the Facebooking hausfraus with their Hallmark cards. I'm at once glad, and sorry, to see how badly they've let you down.
-- Snarky Joe
Good fucking one. I think the reason you are writing again is that the porn ran out. Good times! If blogging is gay, I don't want to be straight.
Thanks to all of you kind responders, didn't mean to come off like a whiney asshole, an asshole yes, a whiner, no, but I guess i did. well fuck me. Pity party table for 1. I'll cut it out and be more manly.
Joey: Yes, I tapped into your vast faucet of fame. Not intentionally, someone found me. And yes you tapped on my shell, I saw your spelling thing and I said ok, did that guy have a stroke or something? You have to understand it wasn't that I didn't want to partake in the hijinks I'm just an aloof fuck. I was never a big reader of other blogs, too many long posts to get through and too much work. What i did was I'd graze, I'd check out a little here a little there, see what was what. I grazed your site from time to time and had a few laughs. But you know, I like chicks, so I tended to read the ladies stuff. I probably would have read you more if it weren't for the spelling thing, I'm a dick that way.
Yeah. Lotsa folks were turned off by Polanskiese.
Ah, well ...
I guess I'm born-again literate.
Well played.
And yea, I started to feel the same way about blogging. It became one big circle jerk, and if you didnt visit all the other attention whores blogs, then everyone would get buttsore. It became more of an obligation, less about entertaining myself or others. and yes, 07-08 was an epic time in blogging :)
Anyways, hope you're well, and I think facebook actually suggested you as a friend, probably because of the last name thing.
have a good one!
xox
Tequila Mockingbird, long time no hear, all is well in the land of Ted,I hope all is well with you. I hope you're still drinking moderately and living quietly like you always did. I've had other random Australian and European folks with the same last name friend me on facebook, don't know why. They're probably trying to steal my Mcmojo. Cheers.
Polanski is great even in the comment section! Teddy has always sucked at blogging but he has always been one of the few I've take the time to read. . . maybe cuz I suck at blogging too. But Joey is right, most blogging is about cozy networking. . . and ironically, TequilaM said it best. . . a big circle jerk.
Glad that I, along with TeddyV, never joined the jackers.
I am indeed doing well... kicking ass and taking names in the profession of marketing, and storming the cigar community here in Tampa. not sure if you're a twitterfag, but today i figured i'd start doing that(sharing rap lyrics and my rantings and midget pics), as it seems when I drink I lose quite a bit of gems I come up with... a shame, really. @McVodkaBreath
Glad I checked in here to see if you responded. And yes, the McMojo is something we gotta keep a lid on. It got me moved back to fla, and uhhh looking at seattle currently ;)
TOP SHELF PUSSY.
Heh ...
I guess we can add TequiMocki to the ever-growing list of former networking bloggers who've discovered that blogging-as-networking invariably results in ... boring and unsustainably bad blogging.
I'll put another flower on the grave of the vaunted Wand of Wonder.
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